lex came over to kick it last night, played a bunch of mario sunshine. i think i’m getting him hooked on gamecube…..mwahah…….i’ve neglected so many people lately because of my selfishness and ignorance. i’ve finally started talking to kris again too, just gotta work out a bit more of the issues i suppose. i intro’d lex to hellsing and trigun, and i let him borrow my berserk dvd, and he’s bringing me akira, which no, i’ve never seen akira….i’ll post my comments on it when i see it. so i had some crazy dreams last night…..i don’t even know where to start, these may be out of chronological order. —– excerpt 1 i was in my old room from my parents’ trailer, which has been gone for several years, but where all my bad experiences with sleep began, i was there with i believe lex, and i had a few aquariums with lizards and such in them. one of the smaller cages had a small lizard in it, first it was chasing a bug, then it started running from what looked like a centipede, and the centipede then became a scorpion. the scorpio ended up catching the lizard and killing it, then it moved over to the other larger cage, it was in a contest with the larger lizard, i’m not sure what kind of lizard it was, it was quite different than any i’d seen. they fought and struggled, the scorpion seeming to win the battle, then something happened and it all got messed up, i don’t remember what though. something then slipped in the cage with my favorite rat, and i had to tend to a matter somewhere else, so i told lex if that thing hurts my rat to break it’s fucking neck…nothing messes with my rat. kinda interesting…..a struggle between a scorpion and a dragon. ahh, i remember now, it was one of the vampire sisters, she was loose from the other excerpt…… ——- excerpt 2 i was somewhere, i don’t know where, a large house i didn’t recognize, that’s for sure. the only part i really remember is that i was “involved” or something with a girl inside there, and turns out she was a vamp, and alot of girls inside there were vamps as well. someone came in to rid the house of them, and i ended up having to hide a few of them, even though they wanted me dead for being human. i “trapped” her 2 sisters behind a shower curtain as they stood in a bathtub, and one was hidden somewhere else very nonchalantly, kinda weird. i remember walking backward from something and stepping too close to the shower, and they both grabbed me through it and were trying to pull me in, one of them bit my hand i believe, and the sister called them off. i was then assured that they had tasted my blood and wouldn’t kill me, they knew my intentions for her and that i wasn’t going to kill them. i remember lorrie from kids r us was there, i had to escort her out before she got killed…thats all i remember of her being there. there was some more i think, but it is slipping. oh oh i remembe…… ———excerpt 3 i was in some large weird arena, and some monster boss was coming at me, i became a video game or something, i was strafing and moving quickly to dodge attacks and such. i managed to evade it enough to climb inside a mechanical structure which was controlling it i believe, and once inside i had a “water pack” on my back…i was just like mario! 🙂 anyway, i saw all the circuitry and thought water would fuck it all up, so i started blasting at it, and this thing walked in the corridor i was in and said “what do you think you are doing?” in this calm voice, very methodical…..then it reached up and grabbed me and jammed a large metallic spike object into my hand and i paralyzed and then woke up…… —–end of dream excerpts thoughts? well, a dragon fighting a scorpion, and the scorpion seeming to win the battles……..vampires……a big metal monster stabbing me in the hand and waking me up. who knows. oh, and i almost forgot, i dreamt of the kiss yet again. maybe i was just trying to forget about that part or something. i keep finding myself growing more apathetic each day, and yet something tugs at my strings to keep me FEELING these damn human emotions. it’s all turning into bullshit, i’m following the same steps i always follow. i fail to see the detrimental actions of others and only grant them the benefit of the doubt as to why they perform such actions. i want it to stop, i want to believe for once what people speak instead of trying to decipher what they truly mean. people don’t mean shit, they never have, they never do. words are as simple and meaningful as it gets, and there is nothing deeper that i could even look for. my world has finally started receiving clarity, i allowed myself to fall once before, and i can’t allow it again. each day i hope i grow stronger and detach more and more. i haven’t read my horoscope in two days now, i guess i passed the test. i am happy with who i am, i am happy being alone. i don’t need another being to raise my levels of enjoyment, it is time for me to stop judging the worth of others and allow them to show ME that they are worthy.