so i get a phone call from my cable company…i decide to answer the phone and the dude says “i’m scheduled to shut off your cable modem by the end of the month from lack of payment” …… nice. and how do i pay my bill? through my debit card…..which pulls straight from my account……..and the number for the acct they give me isn’t even the one i have, and i’ve had the card for like the past several years….*sigh* so i have to cough up 2 months of payment for this damn thing so they don’t shut it off, all because of some fuckup SOMEWHERE by SOMEONE and i have no one to blame for it. all i can figure is by having to change accounts because of the she hag, maybe something changed, but my card never did, and neither did the numbers. fuck off. oh well. You are not the contents of your wallet. although some would like to believe that….. i’m done with teh image. i’m done trying to make myself feel ok about how i look, about how i act, how i speak, whatever. it was obviously good enough for the people i have touched in the past for me to be the cold, unreachable being i was, i had the attention of some of the most attractive women eyes have seen, all because i was simply “myself.” and now what? i have FEELINGS again. i care about how i feel, i care about how others feel, sure, i can listen, and i can learn. i don’t seem to apply the same principles to myself anymore, i find myself more hypocritical every day. i keep telling everyone else the pendulum swings both ways…why don’t i always believe it? the being that will appreciate what i am is out there somewhere, i’ve mistakenly believed that i had found her a few times, but i guess i haven’t travelled far enough yet. i pity the ones that refused to believe what they were, the ones that have walked so far away, the ones that have turned down what i try to offer. a toast to the beautiful women i have crossed paths with, the ones i have been able to care about and open just a bit of my soul to. and a toast to those left me because i was “friendship” material instead of “boyfriend material.” Cheers.