perhaps people aren’t as special as i once imagined….i’m not going to become one of the beautiful people. and…to all the women i have met in my life over the past several years, i just want to say thank you for the kind words you always give…the words that i am such a great person….with the subtle unspoken thought of (but not good enough for me). i give people a fair chance, and in that action my standards have changed, it seems my standards have become too high. i’ve decided to ignore those that i have any connection with, those that i notice from across the room, those that stand out as something else….i’m not going to notice them anymore, i’m lowering my vision to find those that have no understanding of any of these things. with sleep does come clarity, and that vision is simply that i cannot be seen as who i truly am, i must allow myself to be seen as something much more basic. my solitude begins today. “…cuz i will always be the pimp i see in all of my fantasies…”