i bought a couple things today, i got the Hellsing box, but it looks like the blood bag doesn’t come with it anymore or something 🙁 i also got Berserk volume 1, some helly cool shit there too. oh, can’t forget, Twiztid–Freekshow album too, i’m really starting to like them…they’re buddies of ICP. www.twiztid.com mario sunshine is freakin cool! i finally played a demo of it, and i really think it is going to do well. i also played the new starfox, it feels alot like the zelda games on 64, so i’ll probly go with it too. so many games, so little time…why did i think i ever needed a girlfriend? i have my games to keep me happy…virtual worlds are so less complicated….i don’t have to worry about feeling a gd thing for them, and i don’t have to worry about them feeling a gd thing for me, either….they make things so much simpler. the wires and electricity are slowly winding their way back into my body and replacing the tissues and flesh that were once there, the coldness is returning, the absence of faith in humanity is resurfacing. emotions only get in the way, feelings only cause more feelings. had i kept my mouth shut, i never would have felt an ounce of pain for so many years. i opened my mouth to a human and allowed myself to share, and then i was used for 2 years and left to be replaced by the next victim. i willingly put myself into the situation again, but luckily it wasn’t a human i dealt with, and the creature had the decency to push me away. you must have known, Knives, i need to thank you for not allowing it to happen. i can’t say i don’t have traces of love and compassion left in my body, those feelings will remain, but only for those that are truly in need or deserve them. you know who you are, wherever you are, that part of me hasn’t died, and you shall not receive the total blithering inhuman treatment that others may receive. i feel so negative to bring up analogies and comparisons like these….perhaps i’m only kidding myself. i just think that some part of me has realized how my selflessness has been taken advantage of in the past, and how quickly i may fall for a soul that i establish a connection…my rashness precedes my rationality. it isn’t always rational to love all those beings that will never love you back, and so i turn my cheek and remain solid and tranquil without the involvement of another creature. my bed may remain cold and lonely, my walls may contain my sanity and longing for companionship, my heart may yearn for those things that lie outside my grasp, but those will cease to be my means of existence, i live because i do, i live to please only myself, i live to enjoy the things i choose to enjoy. no more of this suffering and changing to find acceptance in the eyes of anyone. you cold hearted, insensitive fucking she-hag, i gave you the opportunity to change my very BEING into that which may have pleased you, i must say i regret even speaking those words to your lifeless soul. i missed you and cared for you so much because you left your soul behind the moment you walked out of my door. i don’t know what you truly are right now, but it isn’t what you were. the part of you that remained has since left my sights, maybe it manifested itself back into you in some fashion, but i doubt it. the only reason i even CONSIDERED posting relentless garbage about you is i believe i saw your nasty wannabe g thug car. go figure. be whatever you are, and exist without the knowledge that i tried to share. and to the new flower, *sigh* , i refuse to gush, i refuse to show all those things which i once did, i don’t want to be that. you know exactly how i feel, trust your heart and trust your instincts, you can sense me more than i guess i understand. you will return safely to me, i have no doubts on that. * **** ***, you know that by now. i will see you in your dreams, or maybe vice versa.