some dick from cox comm came in the store today buying some toys, i tried to make friendly banter and he was just dwelling in his dickheadedness and pretending to be so much better than everyone. i mentioned something about the people who come and pull out cable modems and asked if he was one of them, and he said “yup.” great…good for you, dickface. so i ask him, “what’s up with this bandwidth limitation crap i keep hearing rumors about?” and he made it out like i was the asshole for thinking it was a bad idea….he tells me that they may offer higher bandwidth for higher monthly prices. good for you again. you know, they can’t even promise a certain amount of bandwidth NOW, why do they think someone would pay for “more” of it? anyway, fuck that guy. fuckin cocknocker. i finally watched Akira for the first time…i can’t say i was overly impressed tho. the english voice actor that did kaneda turns out to be the same one for vash from trigun…what a synchronous event. don’t get me wrong, akira didn’t suck or anything, just didn’t really do much for me. it had some helly cool shit nonetheless. i bought a new dvd player, mine was trying to fuck up on certain discs all the time, dunno wtf the problem was. i coulda cleaned it i guess, i think part of me wanted something new that wasn’t around in the epoch of the she-hag tho, some inner part of me perhaps. never got a response to that email either, i figure it is time to chalk it up as “fuck that guy” too, i tried to be nice, i made the effort to be sincere, she doesn’t want to do the same? fuck off. it’s obviously my problem for caring too much. some of the pain still lingers, it lies in the fact that i’m alone, left for some insignificant fucking boy that lives in another state, but should i be jealous? what’s the point. he’s a lesser creation than i, he can deal with a lesser lifeform much easier i’m sure. i saw another hot chick from the past…funny how these people keep showing up. this one had a 5 year old kid tho, not sure if i’d want a ready made family. the last time i saw her was 5 years ago, back when she was pregnant…kinda funny. she is a trauma nurse now, i explained how grossed out i would be, but she said that real life nasty shit isn’t usually as bad as movies…amputations aren’t nearly as glamorous and gory. so i made it through one of my toughest financial spots so far, i almost failed, but i didn’t. i barely scraped through this one and caught up on 3 months of late bills, so things should progress a little better now. it is still difficult to ignore these energies that swirl about in my head and chest when i’m near a friend of mine, i determined that was the major cause of my attraction. the physical and mental attractions seem 2nd in comparison to the other feeling. it isn’t romantic love as far as i can tell….dunno which is better or worse, i guess it is just good that i feel something instead of the inability to feel something. i still haven’t lost the feelings, i guess i’ve lost my mojo though, i can’t seem to do the things i used to do. people don’t notice the same things anymore…and i can’t keep the interest of them the way i used to……