*sigh* i can’t sleep. i dozed off in the middle of watching tv around midnight and woke up around 2am….and now…..YEP, can’t sleep. i guess this is the time i should be using to keep cleaning, thursday (today, i suppose) is the first day stacey will come visit my realm…i should make most of it presentable i figure. i didn’t get to talk to her much tonight, only a few brief phone calls, i wish i had more time 🙁 i did however get a lot of other things taken care of, a lot of the (new analogy) “ripples within my lake of happiness.” friendships have recovered, life might finally be calming down for once. i can be a drama queen at times, but hell, some of this shit just comes to me and i don’t start it….i’m like a beacon for extreme scenarios, things just seem so good or bad, nothing can ever be neutral. i guess it all comes with balance, a balance i’m sure i’ll find soon enough. my email is acting all screwy now too, i keep getting errors with outlook express….it’s past due to reinstall windows xp anyway, it could use a good spring (fall?) cleaning. i actually accomplished several meetings today, i saw my mom and my niece, almost saw danya, saw scott, and saw wendy. i had a few good phone conversations on top of that, aside from talking to stacey of course 😉 i ate lunch with my mommy and got to play with my niece all day, though i fear she may be the culprit in me finding out i’m missing a bead on my right nipple ring…it was cracked anyway, but i’m damn lucky the ring didn’t slip out…and it was from carrying her on my right side, not some weird freaky game you sick pups. so now i’ve got a 10g ring in it now, it was a 12g…but i didn’t have to stretch, it went in pretty smooth. danya called for me to help her out wiht her new pc, so i finished my nap and headed over, but she didn’t answer her door….not too abnormal, i figured she was asleep or something, turns out i got the phone call later and she was, of course she over-apologized in the manner that all aquarians do, no big deal. she gets to wax my eyebrows tomorrow…vanity is my middle name. no wait, my middle name is lee. scott cruised by after work, just chilled and had a beer, he didn’t even try my pasta roni shells and white cheddar! his loss i guess, it’s some good shizzo. i got him hooked on watching Princess Mononoke…and he HATES anime…teehee…he’ll convert soon enough. wendy managed to swing by after she had a lot to deal with of her own, we worked out the issues we had and have finally cleared the air, i’ve been losing too many friends over the past year to continue that trend. thanks for understanding, even though you aren’t an aquarius….:D i fear part of me is not allowing a true shine to leave my heart, i’m probably just protecting myself, although i don’t feel like i need to anymore. i suffered the worst, i know my weaknesses and what to avoid…we all must make our own mistakes in order to learn, and boy have i learned enough. i can only take one day at a time, i guess like walking on a sore leg or something, and i’ve been easing my tender heart into the new situation i’ve found. please don’t take anything personally, i no longer fear “getting hurt” the way people want to avoid, i’ve had it too many times to let it bother me now. that and life is a risk anyway, and right now i’m willing to take that risk to find new love, so we’ll see where my new path leads, hopefully i’ve found something i can maintain in ways recently become aware of. i know the simple things i had done wrong in the past, i’ve corrected those things…no more being a selfish, closed-off prick like i was, i am NOT going to hide any attention or try to exist in my comfy little secure world where games take precedence over reciprocation of feelings, not again, and especially not after all i realized. i am not to blame for the events of my past, i am merely a contributor. no single person is ever to blame. interpersonal conflict requires two people to be created, and neither party is solely at fault, both of them are part of the whole… no more self-loathing. i am once again happy with myself, moreso since someone else is too 😉 i love hearing the compliments and encouraging words, it once again means so much to me. i am rambling something fierce, here…off to never never land, perhaps. my eyes will meet yours soon enough, i missed you tonight…i’m looking forward to seeing you again.