so, happy “anniversary” as of yesterday, i don’t even know if it was an anniversary or not. i don’t remember how to feel, i don’t remember how to believe, i simply become more apathetic with each new day. perhaps i’m meant to be alone, perhaps i am too complex to accompany another in this life. my cycle always seems the same, things become golden when i touch them, but soon turn to mush and ruin. this isn’t a pity party, this isn’t any type of emotional tug for anything, this is simple truth. “…a hate that was pure as sunshine….” “….yeah i think i know you….” if i were to look or fit a different stereotype or image, would i find myself acting the same as i do currently? let’s say i was “brad pitt” attractive, or whatever the current hot guy is, would the ego of knowing how attractive women find you cause you to behave differently than you normally would? can someone look famous who isn’t famous? or does being famous inherently make one appear famous? i find myself lonely again, and yet i find myself so content to be alone and free to do what i wish without the consent of another human being. i always seem to crave solitude yet wish to surround myself with company….only to then wish i were alone. tell me to wait and i’ll wait, tell me to go and i’ll turn around. emotional pain no longer exists because i won’t allow it to exist.