why is it so damned hard to find the ones that you somehow want to find….i think we are always presented with options, and those options become further limited through acts of hesitation and denial. tonight was my third time to Smoke, and this time it was pretty good. not something i want to do regularly or anything, but better than the first two times i tried. i’m way gone right now, it is a very mindful process to watch what i’m saying and make sure that my spelling is correct. and the beer was good too…. i feel like i’m in the movie “the sweetest thing” and that i ran into someone by a total accident and now i’m never going to have that accident again. i should have realized the predicament i was in and done what the movie did not do….act on something sooner. or then again, maybe i’m deluded and i shouldn’t focus on anything real, perhaps it is simply the experience as contained within a specific moment and i am supposed to cherish that particular experience as something magical. i suppose it was a movie moment, and that the excitement is in the notion that it will never happen again. beauty forever lies in mystery and excitement; two things i understand all too well. and then of course it could just be my brain being untidy and mental right now from the effects of the chemicals i added to the mixture. “mass murder makes me happy, dead bodies make me happy, say what you will of me, i’ll always have Juggalo family…” –Dark Lotus i NEVER fucking regret a single action in my perpetuality, my constant motion shall always be forward.