so….i’m sad, i’m sure i can say the events of the past several days have caused it, or is it more? something just isn’t right…my “station” in life seems more unclear than ever, and true happiness seems to be slowly inching away. someone close to me said something the other day that had a bit of impact i suppose…i guess part of me feels that there is going to always be something valuable missing from my life, something i won’t be able to label or understand. i don’t know how to feel anymore, i get myself close to people and then only wish i was alone again for fear of hurting someone with my abnormal ways. i just don’t think i understand myself, or perhaps i understand myself too well now, too well to allow myself near another soul again.