i’ve still not determined the longevity of my reaction i had, and i’m still not sure what it all meant. all i know is that i felt SOMETHING. and of course the obvious has happened, the exact thing i knew, my phone calls have stopped. i feel so used sometimes, not only because of this situation, just all things in general. i find myself so shut off and apathetic, yet i care so genuinely about human emotion and i hate seeing others get hurt. i saw some domestic dispute across the street today and it just raised a pit of disgust in my stomach…are we really this bad off? my piercings are healing nicely, so i’m pretty happy with them. more? hmmm…. sounds like i get to see crystal on thursday, she’s coming to visit for the last time before she is unable because of her pregnancy. i hope she is doing as well as she says and it’s not a facade. you know, i wax about being so happy alone, but i truly just want to be loved. i also crave companionship and having someone to touch and hug….perhaps someday things will turn around again. i guess i always have myself, i won’t let me down.