so, something happened. i didn’t think i was going to feel anything, but it seems my energy receptacles decided that i should. i do NOT want the reaction that i got, i do NOT want to have the feeling i had. why in the fuck would i want to be jealous of ANYthing right now. it is useless, hopeless, worthless, and heartless. longing for companionship is one thing, and i think it would be self-loathing to simply try to find self-gratification in trying to force a situation to work because of loneliness. everyone fucking suffers, and most of us ask for it and invite it. i can’t play this role anymore, i can’t allow myself to feel from other people. my body suffers too much at the expense of others, simply because i’m a big fucking energy syphon. i don’t like feeling all the negativity from humans when they are wounded, especially if it can be avoided. i need to be the way i was, i’ve said that so many times in the past, and it is still becoming ultimately clear that it would be in my best interest. i don’t want to have those reactions ever again. aquarians are painful, we only invite strife and despondence. we are meant to be left alone unless you are DAMN sure you can deal with the things we possess in our souls.