i spent all damn day cleaning my place up and STILL have so much to do. at least it’s a start. i ponder loneliness during the days, and then i realize how alive i am when i’m alone, and think that it’s probably the best for me to be solitary. where’s my bitches? i should do without them. women love to have a person in the exact spot that they want them, and they have the manipulative power to do it. so many of us fall victim to getting involved in situations that are utter bullshit only to realize it down the road…i hate playing second fiddle to ANYthing. of course i’m a selfish prick, so that isn’t such a big deal coming from me. but i’m NOT second best to anything. i found something in my stuff today, the old high school journal of all the seniors. one of the girls had left something in her bio under “most memorable moment” as “meeting Daniel Self.” of course, that would be me. i hadn’t felt that type of confidence recently, it really sparked something and made me feel good about myself again. i’m not the fucker that i’ve acted like lately. i’m going back to having red blood and living for myself and my own entertainment. there was a time when i wouldn’t mind going home or being alone, a time when i enjoyed my own things. i’ve made myself seem and feel so lonely, like i needed someone around or whatnot, that i’ve lost touch with my own fun in llife. fuck your ideals of fun and enjoyment, life is more than what the sum of the teenage world deems it to be. from now on, i am going to enjoy myself, alone if i must. i’m not going out on a limb to find entertainment. i don’t need anyone to feel complete or secure.