i had a horrendously good time last night…an unbelievable experience. it was the kind of night you’d read about in magazines or see in sleazy movies. i saw much flesh and sin, beautiful and grotesque, lavish and lascivious. my carnal urges were appeased at the touch of another woman, and her lips were as intense as the imagery i had seen. she was wonderful, things felt almost perfect, like they were already planned and had been that way for a while. as we lay in each others arms everything seemed to slow down and stop spinning, and it seemed happiness might be arriving again. but women are medusa. a beautiful face with the horrid capabilities of a monster. seems this one is married/separated, and after professing much adoration for all that i seemed to be, expressed today that it wasn’t meant to happen and that she is intending to mend the broken relationship with the pseudo-husband. again, push me further from humanity, i will become as apathetic as i fucking need to be. i don’t need a human to make me happy, but within my perfection lies happiness for a human. i hate never knowing i had a last kiss.