no one is ever as happy as they appear to be. of course everyone busts me on my self-contradiction of how i want to appear so cold and then find myself falling for yet another silly girl, and it’s true. i don’t feel anything. but i WANT to feel something. who is to say that i AM human if i’m not following the pattern of emotions that others have? i have such a lack of everything right now…and then of course i’m not THE ONE that they want anyway. i came to an epiphany tonight as well. everyone says that married men and even guys in a relationship always find that women want them MORE once they are involved. and why would that be? because of fucking confidence. chicks dig confidence in a guy, and when i guy has a girlfriend, then he doesn’t WORRY about having to impress anyone else! i know for damn sure that i felt SO much better about myself when i was in a relationship, i never found myself having to worry about looking “good” or being perfectly presentable or whatever. and i know that i got a few more looks at that time, because it encompasses two things. 1. if a guy has a girlfriend, there is a common misconception that the guy must have “something to offer” and that is why the girl is with him. 2. the self-confidence level of the guy has increased dramatically, and he has the sense that “hey, i can pick up THIS girl, i’m sure i could get more” and that level of being so sure of themself exhudes from the body and women notice the confidence. now, on the other hand, women are not exempt from social distortions. 1. women can sometimes feel exempt from the rules of decency with flirting if they have a boyfriend, because since they are involved they feel less responsible to act on those flirtations…hence “i have a boyfriend, sorry i gave you the wrong impression.” 2. women have a keen eye on keeping options open, just in case “this one” isn’t the right one, and so they will allow themselves to have a lot of “guy friends” that they KNOW are attracted to them, and then keep the level of flirtation at just the right level to keep the guy interested without crossing the “cheating” line. and then again, i could be completely full of shit.