i think i’m losing direction and momentum again. i wonder how much i really care about other people, or moreso, my ability to care about others…i’ve grown so apathetic and cold recently and it bothers me to think i might not shed my newfound happiness in being alone. others just cause so many problems it seems, and people are always so fucking fickle that it sickens me. who knows. i tried to force myself or trick myself to think differently about a girl at work and the plan failed. again, i had a girl offering a simple physical relationship with no strings attached and i couldn’t go through with it. i suppose i should be commended for upholding the moral fiber i hold so dearly, but at the same time, would not any other man have gladly taken advantage of the situation? who knows, perhaps deep inside i just knew it wasn’t right and that i would have hated myself for going through with it. sometimes we yearn so ecstatically for things that are never going to live up to our expectations, perhaps all those things are, as i’ve always said, best left to merely dream about. i suppose only time will tell; i have a couple more “victims” to pursue for love interest, and after that i’m back to the beginning with no more options. of course there are a lot of people i work with, so the opportunites will probably arise again, and for now, one of them really intrigues me because of the level of shyness and apprehensiveness i get when i think of her and get near her…i haven’t been that giddy in a LONG time…and i don’t even know thing one about this girl. we shall see…and either way, i’m not looking for another person to make me happy, i’m doing fine being alone. other news…got a few more piercings…lost a few more piercings to migration…finished covering up a bad tattoo…so now i have no shame in showing off ALL of them. i’m blanking…time to watch tv and movies… btw, does anyone have a paid user account that is willing to “syndicate” a feed for me? i’m wanting to change over to a blogspot journal as well, or at least use dual journals and incorporate my blogspot one by having it shown as a “feed.” if anyone can help, please let me know…