you know, it feels awkward thinking that i have such a crush on someone, and almost moreso to think that i’m having a “crush” but it’s almost for lack of a better term…i surprisingly had the opportunity to see this girl tonight and i gladly took the opportunity. also by the urging of some unseen hand slapping me in the face i muttered the information to her as well, “i have a crush on you.” we did end up hanging out a little longer than i expected as well, had great conversation and have gotten to know each other a little better. i still like her, she’s awesome, and regardless of my thoughts or feelings, she has a bf…i will not allow myself to believe anything, i am only happy that she didn’t leave in disgust when i admitted that i’ve had thoughts about her. i just turned my heater on in my house, it’s freakin cold. now as for my other events that were planned, nothing came through…i never received the call for going out with the girl i shared the momentary passion with last night…i hope everyone and everything is well. actually i never got the call from my friend that is the medium between us for going out, i really hope he just fell asleep and nothing else is was wrong or going on. other news…fleas are rampant in my house and driving me crazy, time to start bombing. my attempts at spraying aren’t helping matters, so things will need to be more drastic. also my stomach is officially fucked up. i keep having these urges to throw up, and it’s nothing i’m eating because i’m not eating anything unusual. it’s been this way since i got sick and threw up at work, i think something has finally become “wrong” with me. my mother has issues with teh flap from her esophagus to her stomach, and perhaps i’m having the same problems now, it feels like something in my gut isn’t cooperating. i can only hope it isn’t major and can be fixed easily and preferrably with meds and not surgery. my heart is pumping and my blood is energizing…i’m starting to surge with energy again and i’m acquiring emotional responses once more. things are clearing up and i think i’m nearing completion to allow myself to be happy and let someone touch my damaged heart. “…be careful for it is my dreams you are treading on…”