so where do i stand now? ok, i’m drunk, finally, and sitting at teh keyboard, so truth can flow again…. i think i’m a bit uneasy with tyring to pursue relationships, i can tell that i’m hesitant about allowing myself to have deep true feelings for peopel, but i guess that’s just a defense mechanism. people woudl like to tell me that i’m cynical and bitter because of what happened to me, but i don’t think tha’ts tru;ly it. i can appreciate what happened to me now, i can appreciate that someone had the nerve and the guts to leave the situation when it wasn’t going the proper way. so many people i know have shown me how reluctant they are to leave a fucking dickhead guy…they just stay and put up with bullshit that is unnecesary, it almost makes me sick. i think it does make me a bit more distant by knowing what girls really are looking for…the like to be treated like shit…i can treat a girl like a goddess but she’d rather have some fucking insignificant challenge bhy having some dude act like they just don’t care…girls think they are gonna fucking change them…it’s such a stupid idea but that’s nearly how all of them are… i’ve had eyes for a few new peopel lately, but i don’t know if those eyhes are being returned…one of them i remember clearly the first time i actually laid eyes on her…i thought she was beautiful from that first day…and i never thought that i’d have the chance to simply talk to her, but it seems i have received that oppportunity… so where does this leave me? well, i’m stioll trying to pursue the untouchable…the people that i dont’ have a chance to obtain, the dreams i can only keep inside my head and never achieve. well, that’s the story of my time on earth, some things are better left as a fantasy, at least that way i can’t taint them and force myself to believe that they aren’t as beautiful as i once thought. i can definitely say that my new personm i’m watching is special in a way that i’m not sure i even understand….there is something about fire that intrigues me, i guess i like to allow myself to be burned…it’s admirable to find someone so playful and so free….