present turn of events….

well, my current situation hasn’t changed much, just that i’ve heard some deeper, more meaningful things from the one i like…i guess i should say, even if it’s temporal, it’s still beautiful to at least hear those things from her lips. so with the distancing of my friends, i’ve started going solo…i think i’m starting to enjoy it more. it’s nice to not worry about anyone else, it’s nice to have freedom to do what i want and not be concerned with their plans. i went to the depot last night instead of sitting at home alone. i got there early enough to get my old table in the corner…sat there a while and got a few hellos from the people i knew…then Eve and her new bf showed up and sat with me. she was always a hottie, but always a little insane…in a good way though. i did the chit chat with them for a bit, then JW found his way over and sat with me thru the night after Eve and bf left. i’d say the highlight of the night…an old high school friend showed up with another old mutual friend. i hadn’t seen Chandra in a couple years, it was good to catch up. she was always one of our top 5 high school hotties, so it’s good to see she has upheld her position 😉 surprisingly, she remembered some of the things i had written in high school and told me that she thought i was like the only other person she remembered EVER writing anything…it makes me feel really good that someone (and she) kept that in mind. of course i like writing for myself, but it’s definitely nice that someone remembers something like that that seemed so insignificant at the time. ahh…i digress….i’ll have to find and post some of my old writings, perhaps it will be nice to stroll down high school memory lane of the goofy stuff i wrote back then…and it’s was also nice that she agreed i “transformed” well 😉 i was such an awkward freak-o in junior high through high school….it took a long time to find my “image” to at least look decent. i was pretty hideous at times in school. no surprise it took a pure soul like Danya to find me and look past it… so, she was hanging out with Butch, who happens to be the brother of another friend Shane…who i found out is in Iraq now. i had no idea he got shipped, its good to hear he’s ok. best wishes to him (and all the others) doing our service, can’t wait to see him when he gets back. so i sat with jw and had a few drinks…later the karaoke dj guy Milky came and told jw that his cousin was coming up with 2 chicks and wanted a place for them to sit and be safe, so the trio of girls came and sat with us. they were barely 21, and one of them had JUST turned 21 that night…such naivety and innocence….they’ll learn soon enough. ah, and “coincidentally” enough, one of them was named Danielle. that makes only about 3 or 4 of them in my LIFE that i’ve met. oh, cant forget, jw knew a girl there named Megan (i think she said she spelled meagan) so i had to tell her how that’s my favorite name. if i were to pick an ideal fantasy woman, i’d want a redheaded irish girl with green eyes named meagan…with an accent…and snow white skin. again…fantasy i say…nothing i’d pursue. we all have to have a fantasy person, it keeps us sane and helps us respect our perspective of beauty. and what else…oh yeah…heh..NONE of my fucking friends wanted to text me back last night….beautiful. so there’s teh answer, usually i wait for people to hit me up about going out, and now that i’m being “excluded” and i try to contact people no one finds the time to write back. fine…i’ll continue to hang out alone, it’s better for me anyway, i found people to have fun with regardless. well, the couple that did…thanks bob, thanks jen2 (even tho you were in DC), and thanks brian, even if it was today and you were asleep. well…no emotional outpour today? she knows how i feel. she knows that i’m thinking of her. anticipation and longing are a comforting ally, it’s sort of comforting having someone to truly miss. it’s been a long time since i really MISSED hearing someone’s voice, the excited heart jump when you see their name on your caller id, the anxiousness waiting for them to feel the same…. *sigh* it will pain me to wait until tomorrow to look into your eyes again…but the pain is worth every minute. “the heat of your breath … i wanna say all those things … that would be better unsaid” and now the obligatory song lyric insert…… ——————————————————————————– Nine Inch Nails- physical (you’re so) originally by adam and the ants ——————————————————————————– i wanna take you maybe i wanna take you out i wanna wine and dine you oh i wanna twist and twist and shout i want you hot in my arms so soft on my bed you get the key to my heart oh when you wear that sweet dress but you’re too physical physical to me you’re just too physical physical no to me i want your rough house baby i want this right in your ear you let me feel your danger i let you make this feeling clear here i want the touch of your charms the heat of your breath i wanna say all those things that would be better unsaid no but you’re too physical physical to me you’re just too physical oh you’re too physical for me you’re too physical to me you’re really just too just too just too really fuck no god damn it you’re just too physical you’re just too physical too fucking physical no, no, no, no, no, no oh you’re too physical just too physical just too

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