well i skipped the company xmas party last night. i thought about going but i didnt’ really have anyone to go with. of course my hottie was going, but she wasn’t staying long, so i wouldn’t really have anything to do after she left. i came home to take a nap and ended up nodding off…til about 8 oclock, so then i sat around a bit longer, ran to the party store and got some vodka. i watched a lot of comedy central presents… people, saw some funny stuff i hadn’t seen before. i was half-tempted to stay home and just watch tv and drink, but i kept getting bored and wanting to smoke…since i quit last tuesday i find myself wanting to have something to “fiddle with” instead of smoking, so i found my motivation to get up and start getting ready. i ran to qt and bought some beer so i wouldn’t have to do it at 2am if i stayed out late. ok, so now i have beer and vodka, oh, and my rooster booster lite. i’m set up for some good drinking if i stay in…. but i went out to meet lela at Cancun Cove. i was really hoping that i wouldn’t run into a certain someone out there…but she told me she hasn’t seen her lately. i met a lot of her friends, seems like a really good crowd out there. lot of different cultures and diversity, and they all were getting along. i even had a moment with one of the brothas when we were both checkin out one of the cute girls…heh…we had the same look on our face and he called me over to give me the dap. so i chit chatted with a few of the people around, watched people sing and dance…saw a few line dances…eww….but hey, whatever floats your tits. um, blows your boat? uh…yeah. well, i ended up staying out til the bar closed, and i got the phone call at 2am when she was leaving the bar…i was wishing she was saying that she was coming over, but circumstances prevented it. maybe it was good…she’s coming over tonight, and two nights in a row might have just been too much. as my friend amy reminded me, “absence makes the heart grow fonder” so i’ll soak in the anxiety and anticipation of the time i get to spend with her this weekend, the less time i see her the more time i have to miss her i guess… she makes me so giddy and swirly…im a bit surprised i still feel that way even after so long. i suppose that’s a good thing. ok, a few new observations i’ve made and conclusions i’ve had, in no particular order. maybe this will help me understand some of my confusion… 1. i’ve never had to explain myself to her. she’s intelligent enough to know what i’m talking about with just about everything. of course she’s asked about a few of the obscure words i use, but that’s normal. i like being able to talk about something and not have someone just give me a big fucking stupid look…it means a lot to be able to have a meaningful convo without having to give education lessons about everything i say. now, this does not include the few “why” questions about my appearance and modifications, but that’s only normal for people to wonder, and i don’t really categorize that with “explaining myself.” 2. she’s extremely caring and compassionate. she’s always putting herself before others (and often in a detrimental way to her own happiness). she’s constantly making sure people are happy and comfortable with their surroundings and such, and always inviting people to do things with her to make sure they aren’t missing out on having fun. it’s rare to find someone that isn’t so jaded that they’re just selfish, especially women (sorry ladies). 3. she reads harry potter books. i mean cmon, harry potter. how cool is that. i haven’t read those yet. 4. she has beautiful eyes…very beautiful. she makes me shiver when i look her in the eyes…my body tingles and my heart jumps. sure….makes it a bit awkward to have that reaction when we’re talking, so i generally avoid looking that close. 5. she likes to dance. well, its doubtful we dance to the same types of music, but it’s cool…at least she has something to do, and even looking past the jealousy issues, it’s kind of sexy to watch a girl dance…even if she’s “yours” and dancing with another guy. you can see her good moves from a distance that way, you can know how good she looks when she’s dancing with you. 6. she’s concerned with bettering herself and her position in life. nuff said about that, having motivation and drive is a plus for anyone. i know i’ve lacked in the motivation dept for a long time, and it’s pretty hard to find people that continually want to do better for themselves. 7. we can talk SO easily. i can have a conversation about anything with her. we can talk for hours and not have major silence. i’ve also noticed that she gives and takes, it’s not “me me me me me” when she talks, she will relate a story and then ask how i am, she knows how to communicate. 8. she is aware of her faults and doesn’t try to be so vain to cover it up and pretend that she’s perfect. she is great, and i think her ideas of her faults really aren’t as bad as she wants them to be. i think it’s healthy to recognize what we don’t like about ourselves as long as we don’t dwell on it and let it consume our lives. 9. she almost always dresses sexy. even when she dresses normal she is really cute. i tend to think that about a lot of people i guess, but there are times that girls could look a LOT better with what they wear. ok, we’ll stop at 10 so i can have other things to say later. 10. she takes care of herself physically. she works out and stays in shape, she’s very conscious of her health and makes a big effort to keep herself in good figure. she has soft skin as well, she feels really great to the touch. ok, looking back on my list…yeah, she’s pretty awesome. of course this is without exploring the more direct personality intricacies and idiosyncracies. she makes me feel so good when i’m around her, and i think i do the same for her. she seems a little quiet when it comes to her thoughts and feelings, i know i probably make her a bit uncomfortable with my direct and open nature. well, there are some thoughts that i don’t need to know and don’t want to know.