need you dream you find you taste you use you scar you fuck you break you –eraser NIN so i watched The Forgotten the other night…they had scenes of people being sucked into the sky…and it pains me to watch because i’ve dreamt of those things for a LONG time now…most people dream about falling, right? no, not me…i dream about being pulled into the sky. go figure. i want something painful to happen right now, not in a masochistic doomful way, i need something to happen that is significant and causes me to rethink my station in life…i probably need a new tattoo or piercing… maybe in the words of Raine…” …irrelevance, intelligence, a new tattoo, a lot more sex….” i dont want to be awake right now, its after fucking 4am…and i have too many things in my head to sleep clearly…well, maybe now that i’m awake, maybe they’ll visit me. maybe i can trick myself into lucidity, maybe i can have bad dreams and wake up scared and alone…it hasn’t happened in so long, i wonder if they’ve forgotten about me. maybe i’ll give them a reason to come find me, maybe i’ll find my roots again and start “noticing” the other things around me instead of all the beauty and love in the world. maybe i’m not such a threat to them anymore because i’ve pushed them out of my mind… maybe C might want to let us finish the dream that never went into completion that night, and maybe it can finally reveal to me why the fuck it was in my dream anyway… or maybe i’m delusional and crazy…and i put too much faith into all the things that happen when my eyes are closed… time to trick myself into sleeping.