why is it me that always does things like this…maybe it isn’t me, maybe no one likes to admit things the way i do. i’ve acted oversensitive lately, i’ve acted like certain things might matter more, when i know that they don’t. they never have. i pretend to notice things and see differently than others, but do i really? i’m probably just kidding myself. it hurts to hear that i feel something deeper and more true…more than the others. i’ve told you i can’t MAKE you feel guilty…you’re doing it to yourself…and did you ever think that maybe you feel guilty because you DO feel an obligation? i want to believe that you just don’t want to admit to yourself that there are feelings you have that are way too confusing for you to understand right now…of course that would make me an arrogant prick…but what else is new. you share so much with me, stories, glances, emotion, contact…and you want these things from me…but yet you’re willing to give it up by believing that i very possibly am not a person you would want to be with. apparently i just don’t have the comprehension for the situation, i don’t have the understanding to think that i could have a near perfect relationship with someone and then just leave it at arms reach and never try to grab it…but whatever. i’m only opening the floodgate for a minute, i just needed to pour some of this out somewhere. i don’t want your sympathy or explanations, i don’t want comfort or reassurance. i don’t want any words about it. i like watching you fix dinner, i like helping you. i like how you wiggle your butt when you’re putting on jeans. you make me laugh when you pull out 3 or 4 outfits to try on and complain that you’re fat when you know you look gorgeous in whatever you’re wearing. i like hearing your voice and seeing your face as soon as i awake…and as soon as i go to sleep. i like you being the first thing i have contact with. i like our game of attack and retreat when we try to cuddle and sleep. i like the way your skin feels when i massage your back. you make me giggle when you wrap your feet with mine when we lay together. i love hearing you tell me about your sexy outfits and what you’re wearing when you go to bed… so many things i appreciate about you….so many things i want to say but shouldn’t…so many things i want to show but i’d dare not…