im sitting here with my stomach wrenched…i hurt, i’m sad, i’m depressed, i have that upset feeling like i have lost something so dear to me…and i’m not sure i totally understand why. my head keeps filling with so many things that we’ve said to each other out of fear, anger, love, bitterness….and i’m so confused as to which ones to even believe now…i want to be the special one again, i don’t want to be whatever it is that caused so much conflict… my body wants to cry right now, i felt this way yesterday until i saw you…that’s why i wanted to be near you…the thing that causes me pain is the only thing that calms my emotion…such a dangerous double edge to have something like that. i’m sure it will go away, it always does. my heart still burns. things were near perfect this week…sunday…monday…tuesday…especially tuesday…wednesday….plans had been made long in advance for the birthday events that i would never forget…and then all of it went to fucking shit in one single blithering instant…and i don’t fucking understand how or why…the time we’d invested in making plans and coming up with ideas…all shot to hell from some unseen hand…probably the same hand that perpetually keeps me from being fucking purely happy. things were in place, you know it and i know it…you can’t deny that you started seeing something that could take shape… and now i’ve fucking dealt with this inner sorrow for the weekend…with thursday until now…when the one thing i wanted was simply for someone to hold me and tell me that they care…and i didn’t get it. my selfishness pushed you away, i caused you to say so many hateful and damaging things to me…i invited you to shatter my feelings one more time on a day that i wanted to be important…i have woken up alone each night now, only wanting to feel and know someone else was there…just another soul, another heart…and all i have is your scent lingering in my bed, the thoughts of you being there…the idea that at one time we could smile and lay in each other’s arms and talk about nothing at all…. you see something in me that you’ve never seen before…as much as i see something in you. you always make everything ok….crush me with those things you do….. i dont know why everytime i listen to this song it makes me cry…it makes me thing of all things painful and how badly i never wanted things to end the ways they did with everyone… how did these thoughts change so drastically over 2 days…….. i love the way you bring me little pictures you draw, the way you bought me both kinds of ice cream on christmas eve and the rose that night too the way you brought me a bunch of diet coke instead of just a fountain drink the way you hug me and look at me the way you write about me and feel about me the way you make me feel….special the way you touch me, the way you kiss, the way you kiss my neck, and the way you turn me on