most things never turn out the way we want them to, i’m sure we should be used to it by now, but i can’t say that it hurts any less when they don’t. some things feel beautiful and wholesome, and we want to keep them close, and sometimes we shouldn’t. some people make us ecstatic and happy, and those same people can cause us more pain than we want to feel. there are the few rare occasions that we connect with someone, that we can see inside their heart and know that things could be different…that things could be exactly what we’ve wanted to find (or find again) and it can frighten us. i don’t want to be scared. i don’t want to feel the urge to fight for attention or affection, i want things to fall into place, i want things to become honest and real without the huge effort that most give…but is it going to happen? it’s amazing how drastically things can halt within such a short time frame. things go from amazing to “i fucking hate everything about you” overnight. how easily we can replace those we love with near-quality versions of them…only later realizing how much we just wanted the original. the further we downgrade, the more flaws we are simply going to find. it hurts to have your heart handed back to you in several pieces after someone decides they are done playing with it. i like the way you look at me, daniel i like the way you touch me i like the way you hold me i like the way you smile at me when i’m upset i like the way you would touch my hands when i came to your desk i like the way you felt when i held you close i like the way you focused all your attention on me i like the way your lips feel against mine i like the way you kiss my neck i like the way you breathe down my shoulders i like how everything with you was such a new and wonderful experience… i like the way you love me unconditionally, even though i hurt you. alas, i don’t have broad shoulders, i don’t have big muscles, i don’t have a fast car, i dress weird, i have earrings, i have a huge nosering, i have a lot of tattoos…and regardless of how i make someone feel, superficiality must always take precedence over emotions. i’m sure all those physical nuances can keep someone happy at night, they can make them feel special, they can give them tender love, they can be sensitive, they can touch your soul… this was the case all along.