and so it started… Sunday, October 3rd, 2004 ——————————————————————————– 2:32a – hmmm so where do i stand now? ok, i’m drunk, finally, and sitting at teh keyboard, so truth can flow again…. i think i’m a bit uneasy with tyring to pursue relationships, i can tell that i’m hesitant about allowing myself to have deep […]

i keep waking up expecting to see you lying beside me asleep, as if nothing has changed…or even sleeping on my couch…so i wake up and i always check the living room to see if you are there…and i don’t fucking know why. i still think about things and want to cry, everyone tells me […]

i had a great review today at work and got a nice raise…at least i have something to feel good about now…… not that i feel BAD…i just hate feeling like i’ve had half of me taken away…like my best friend is gone from my life. which i guess she is.

this hurts so much both ways i wish i really knew what the answer was…maybe if i knew that it bothers you as much as it does me i would feel better about it, but i doubt that would matter…i don’t think i can do it, i can already see myself breaking down… i talked […]

so many things i want to tell you so many things i want to show so many things i cant compare to so many things that will never grow i tried to make things right i tried to make things real i tried to give you light i tried to make you feel i wanted […]

i have my moment of doubt and pain… i question if i made the right decision, i question if i should have done and said the things i did…it hurts me so fucking much to watch you so far away… i look at my IM list and see your name just taunting me…all i have […]

so here’s a good idea…how about you make it a point to be somewhere that i’ll run into you, make it a point to be somewhere talking to someone when you know it’s just going to hurt me, make it a point to keep throwing it in my face. why am i going to continue […]

If I could have just one wish, I would wish to wake up everyday to the sound of your breath on my neck, the warmth of your lips on my cheek, the touch of your fingers on my skin, and the feel of your heart beating with mine… Knowing that I could never find that […]

i do not want this…… –nin ——- i’m losing ground you know how this world can beat you down and i’m made of clay i fear i’m the only one who thinks this way i’m always falling down the same hill bamboo puncturing this skin and nothing comes bleeding out of me just like a […]

i’m looking forward to joining you, finally -nin ——————————————————————————– as black as the night can get everything is safer now there’s always a way to forget once you learn to find a way how in the blur of serenity where did everything get lost? the flowers of naivete buried in a layer of frost the […]