i love Clerks…this has to be my favorite scene… YOU SUCKED 36 DICKS? i think i’m gonna be sick……. VERONICA Bye (to DANTE) That was Snowball. DANTE Why do you call him that? VERONICA Sylvan made it up. It’s a blow job thing. DANTE What do you mean? VERONICA After he gets a blow job, he likes to have the cum spit back into his mouth while kissing. It’s called snowballing. DANTE He requested this? VERONICA He gets off on it. 24. DANTE Sylvan can be talked into anything. VERONICA Why do you say that? DANTE Like you said-she snowballed him. VERONICA Sylvan? No; I snowballed him. DANTE Yeah, right. VERONICA I’m serious… A moment of silence as DANTE’S chuckles fade to comprehension. DANTE You sucked that guy’s dick? VERONICA Yeah. How do you think I know he liked… DANTE (panicky) But…but you said you only had sex with three guys! You never mentioned him! VERONICA That’s because I never had sex with him! DANTE You sucked his dick! VERONICA We went out a few times. We didn’t have sex, but we fooled around. DANTE (massive panic attack) Oh my God! Why did you tell me you only slept with three guys? VERONICA Because I did only sleep with three guys! That doesn’t mean I didn’t just go with people. 25. DANTE Oh my God-I feel so nauseous… VERONICA I’m sorry, Dante. I thought you understood. DANTE I did understand! I understand that you slept with three different guys, and that’s all you said. VERONICA Please calm down. DANTE How many? VERONICA Dante… DANTE How many dicks have you sucked?! VERONICA Let it go… DANTE HOW MANY? DANTE Well…? VERONICA (half-mumbled) Something like thirty-six. DANTE WHAT? SOMETHING LIKE THIRTY-SIX? VERONICA Lower your voice! DANTE What the hell is that anyway, “something like thirty-six?” Does that include me? VERONICA Um. Thirty-seven. DANTE I’M THIRTY-SEVEN? VERONICA (walking away) I’m going to class. DANTE Thirty-seven?! (to CUSTOMER) My girlfriend sucked thirty-seven dicks! CUSTOMER In a row? DANTE chases VERONICA down and grabs her by the door. DANTE Hey! Where are you going?! VERONICA Hey listen, jerk! Until today you never even knew how many guys I’d slept with, because you never even asked. And then you act all nonchalant about fucking twelve different girls. Well, I never had sex with twelve different guys! DANTE No, but you sucked enough dick! VERONICA Yeah, I went down on a few guys… DANTE A few? VERONICA …And one of those guys was you! The last one, I might add, which-if you’re too stupid to comprehend- means that I’ve been faithful to you since we met! All the other guys I went with before I met you, so, if you want to have a complex about it, go ahead! But don’t look at me like I’m the town whore, because you were plenty busy yourself, before you met me! DANTE (a bit more rational) Well…why did you have to suck their dicks? Why didn’t you just sleep with them, like any decent person?! VERONICA Because going down it’s a big deal! I used to like a guy, we’d make out, and sooner or later I’d go down on him. But I only had sex with the guys I loved. DANTE I feel sick. VERONICA (holds him) I love you. Don’t feel sick. DANTE Every time I kiss you now I’m going to taste thirty-six other guys. VERONICA violently lets go of him. VERONICA I’m going to school. Maybe later you’ll be a bit more rational. DANTE (pause) Thirty-seven. I just can’t… VERONICA Goodbye, Dante. She exits in a huff. DANTE stands there in silence for a moment. Then he swings the door open and yells out. 28. DANTE Try not to suck any more dicks on your way through the parking lot!