so, ays had her birthday party last night, i was a bit late showing up, and then i forgot my damn camera and had to go back and get it so we’d have record of everything 🙂 that and she needed pics to send home, so no biggie for me to go back and get the cam. of course you can find the pics at http://flitzanu.fotopic.net if you want to see. i didn’t get that many, only around 20. i guess she invited like everyone from the 9th floor at work, i saw lots of people there that she works with. it was interesting seeing them away from work, as i’m sure it was the same for them. i talked to her boss quite a bit, she’s a cool chick. alot of ays’ friends were pretty trashed and dancing all over the place…which was cute. unfortunately no one took their clothes off even with the chanting…:( michael came by sorta late, i was already pretty drunk by the time he got there and i think i ranted a bit about things i shouldn’t have, oh well no harm no foul. it happens when i drink. the folks there were pretty cool, everyone was nice. and like i said, i got my cards read again, things seem much better, i have more clarity with a lot of things. it helps to shut things out too, i don’t have a real reason to share so much energy with creatures that don’t respect it, it’s better for me to keep it for myself. there was still a prevalent issue with fire, but less than last time. i like playing with fire, i don’t know why. i’m a sucker for putting my hand in flames and knowing i’m going to get hurt, but that’s life…if i don’t risk it, i’ll never know what’s going to happen. i also can’t base my perception of someone on being hurt every time before…i can’t pretend that one girl is going to do the same as the previous. it is unfortunate that it’s how things are though, everyone wants to judge my actions against the actions of their previous boyfriends…which isn’t fair but still…that’s all they know. maybe some day people will figure it out, they’ll notice that people are different and we can’t base all reactions to the past. well, i went off on a tangent there…anyway. it was a card with the knight offering me a cup of fire…and i’m sure i’ll drink from the flames again, i’ll taste the fire once more, even though it has always burned me so badly in the past. i’ll reach for the burning embers again and again. i think the flame relates to someone different than i once thought though, i’ve had some thoughts that haven’t made sense lately, and i don’t think that i saw the right person in my visions of the flames. i can’t say much about it, but for a couple of you that think it may be you, don’t let flattery go to your heads.