i have even more info to process now, i don’t really know what i truly think about it…that and now it makes me reevaluate everything else that has gone on around me…am i going to miss an opportunity? or was i even meant to have that opportunity? playing with fate makes things SO difficult to understand…should i make it happen or should i let it happen…should i dwell on it and open myself to the possibility……my head is a swirling blue mess right now. and then the OTHER one keeps invading my dreams again…and that part i’m not understanding. as much distaste as i hold for another human being i shouldn’t dream about them persistently. well, unless something has gone unsaid that i need to fucking finish. jeez maybe i just need to read more…or maybe i should just speak my mind like i’ve wanted to so badly…i just dont see it making any difference or making anything better. even feeling neglected at least i felt something…the way it is now i’m not allowed to feel ANYTHING…i can’t see which is worse…that and the issue is directly in front of my eyes and i can’t step myself far enough away from it to be an observer… my thoughts are tangled with the transgressions of so many others…you have your fingers inside my thoughts and dream, you have your eyes peering into my heart…your smiles still infect my precious soul….. DO something…someone…please…something…show me a fucking sign or a glimpse of the path…something new or something different…i’m not worth this damage and disbelief…