i sometimes dont know what to think anymore…my mind plays tricks on me and tries to tell me things that i shouldn’t believe…like that some girls will be different when i know better. i bring things up a lot and all my friends are sick of hearing about it, but its a situation that really bothers me. i’ve never had such a strike to my heart and esteem. i’ve never had such a blatant disregard for my feelings and respect. i never thought i would simply be a “between” guy…one to keep someone happy emotionally and sexually until they find something else. im worth more than that, and all these people know it. i am officially the lyric “i’m not in love but i’m gonna fuck you til somebody better comes along.” fine, whatever. i rang her bell. so be it. she was pissed because i busted her…the first lie she tries to perpetrate and she gets caught. maybe i’m too smart, maybe i’m too caring. had i never known what would have happened? probably the same thing i’m sure. and now i’m left thinking…i should have NEVER let her complete my birthday that night. as soon as i found out about the lies i should have told her to fuck off and not even bother showing up at my party that she planned, i would have had better memories about it and i’d have had the upper hand. but no…i’m gullible and was stupidly in love with this thing, and i let it control my night. you should have never been there Shallow. i should have pushed you away that night you called me back from someone else’s bed.