so where am i now…well, i’m sitting here rubbing the callouses on my fingers from working out at the gym, i’ve really pushed harder the past couple weeks to where my body is tired and sore and so i’m starting to see more results in shape and in strength. you want something different? i’ll show you everything i never wanted to be…and i’ll spite you for ever thinking i should be something else. an old friend gave me a new philosophy, and i think it strikes pretty true in most aspects: Well the actual philosophy is fuck disloyal people. They will never truely achieve anything because they cannot maintain loyalties. Plus, you should never help someone that cannot and will not do something on their own. If they cannot do it themselves, then they are not worth it, and only bad things will come of your assistance. The only people that will truely benefit from help are those that would eventually achieve the same ends on their own. —— i guess its more of an extension of karma, like, you fuck me over, and you’ll get yours i guess. i think the issue with the disloyalty comes into play a little more directly than karma though, and i can find situations where it applies…that if someone breaks trust or loyalty even ONCE, that leaves them open to start doing it more and more…once a cheater, always a cheater…once a liar, always a liar…remember that. the more you do it, the easier it gets for you, and the higher your potential grows to do it again. those actions will only morph you into a worse person than you are… i’ve decided to cut a few out of my life as well, especially with situations that aren’t mutually beneficial. i’m sick of feeling that i am doing the giving and never getting anything in return but grief. i’ll be your friend and i’ll be friendly, but don’t expect me to continue going out of my way to make all of you happy as i used to do. are you waht you want to see in the mirror? can you sleep at night knowing what you’ve done? maybe it’s time to evaluate our station in life and observe our agenda and decide if we are leading the way we want… i have so many feelings that have been left unexpressed, it scares me to think some of them are still there, and it scares me to let some of them out…someone would get hurt if i ever open my mouth to that.