so there it is…as quickly as it once started, it dies just as fast.  somehow i knew it would end this way, perhaps i deluded myself to believe it wouldn’t come to fruition.  but…it did…just as all things do.  as i’ve said so many times before, i’m the lesson.  i’m never the student.  i’m always going to be your teacher, take from me what you can, learn to apply it to your life…and move the fuck on.  i’m bad for you, i’m never what you need, i’m not the one to make you happy…i’m only the catalyst to fire you forward into the realm of what is supposed to happen.  i’ll be that person, for if i can aid in the happiness of only one person, at least i’ve helped something.  i’m done worrying about my happiness, time has shown me that i’ll falter as always, and it’s been proven again that i’m merely dangerous to have around you.   my ways are not your ways, and they never will be, and it’s much safer for you to turn and walk the other direction.  i can’t ask for you to understand, because you can’t.  not for lack of trying, simply for lack of ability.  i’ve felt the urge to apologize to certain parties again that i’ve wronged, and it’s probably time…i don’t enjoy carrying grudges.  my heart is too heavy to leave hatred inside, i’d rather it be gone so that i don’t even have to think about it.  hurt me as i’ve hurt so many others, it’s only fair, and i’m not the one that should judge you for doing it.  some things truly are better left unsaid, but it’s a mistake i’m going to make time and time again. 

you ask that i smile if i cross your path…but i’m not sure how i can….knowing that even being so far away i’ve caused strife, i’ve caused doubt…i’ve caused mistrust.  is that reason enough to consider?  probably not…for i’ll shake your foundation regardless of how far away you try to push me.  if you cross my path in public, it’s best you don’t even see me, for i don’t think you could handle it any more than i could.  maybe i’m just drunk and reveling in my own thoughts right now, or maybe i’m speaking the truth…but i don’t think either of us could admit it…and “either” applies to all of you, not just the one i’m speaking about right now.  if i’m not correct in anything i’ve said…then prove me wrong. 

perhaps you’re right, perhaps our paths will cross, but they never will until you’re ready.  i guess until then, keep dreaming of me in all the naked truths that you see in your mind’s eye, for no one has ever known me so well, even as far away as you’ve stayed.