And then I’m walking back to my friends and find them, and as I’m with my friends, I’m approached by these security guards/police who say that she’s requested me to be removed.  My friends speak up to say I’m not anywhere near her and I just tell them to let it go.  I stand with my hands held up near my face while they are patting me down, and for some reason I have my TV remote in my hand and I ask if I can give it to my friend so it isn’t lost, and one of them takes it and says “what remote?” and hands it to my friend who quickly hides it.  Then they walk me away, and I’m still holding my hands up for them to restrain me but they aren’t.  we go to some small dock, and they tell me to climb in this boat, and I hear people screaming ahead of me.  There are lots more people being led away, not just me.  I knew it wasn’t good, what was about to happen.  I climb in this small raft, and the guard steps in behind me, sitting right against me.  He tells me to cooperate and follow his instructions.  We start moving, and this raft is some type of torture device, these gears are moving in front of me, the guard puts his chest against my back and sortof covers over me, and these spikes start stabbing forward from the bottom of the raft toward us and toward my face.  They look to be designed to stop only inches from touching, and so, they come about an inch from my face, like 3 or 4 of them.  Then they retract.  Something else happens afterwards but I was getting hazy, and I closed my eyes.  The guard was still somehow trying to protect me and reassure me it was ok, and so I just sat perfectly still in this raft, as traps were going off around me, and while we’re floating across this small moat/river thing.  A few minutes later we stop moving, and I feel the guard’s grip loosen, and I opened my eyes, and I was no longer in the boat, I was in what felt like a ski lift, but it was on the ground.  The guard moved from behind me to my right side and as I looked up, it was the girl.  The girl from the crowd with the beautiful smile.  She had her stuffed toy wrapped in her arms and smiled at me, and said something like, “check your pocket when you walk away, I’m throwing you a bone” and I felt her sliding something under my leg and into my pocket.  She stood up, smiled again and disappeared into the crowd.  I was just in complete shock and confusion about the whole ordeal, and I reached under my leg and she had given me like, a mix-tape.  It had a pink insert, and a band name but I don’t remember what it was, I think the word “too” was in it.  And on the corner edge she had written a name and what looked like a phone number, and I looked at it just, wondering…wtf just happened…that my answers must be on this tape…and all of it was a test…and then I woke up.  She was so beautiful, but I’ve never seen her before, not that I can recall.  No one that I know at least.  That was when I woke up at 5am to the looping intro of “the boondocks” on dvd, my head pounding from alcohol, my body exhausted, and I kept replaying it over in my head so I could try and remember.

beauty always seems to exist in such brief moments that can never be found.