hmm…well, things have been so strange lately, almost dreamlike. positive things in my life have been happening, i’ve become closer with a very close friend of mine, work is great…i guess i just don’t have much to complain about.
gwar is july 3rd…day off july 4th…
my eyes have reopened to so many things, and i question so much why i allow myself to be distracted from my goals. i allowed my insecurity to be damaged again, all because of paranoia and mistrust, and i never even realized it. you people know me…i’m not socially insecure…but i was definitely acting like it. i’d worry about going places alone, how i was dressing, if i wasn’t impressing the girl i liked…wtf? why? that’s not me. maybe it’s true when it was said that i wasn’t being myself because of someone else. i’m not sure where i lost that stride. people like that are dangerous…people like that are stifling.
shouldn’t we wonder why a guy is treating his girlfriend like shit? i mean, there’s a side to a girl complaining about how bad their mate could be acting toward them…but is it possible they deserve that treatment because it’s how they’re being treated themselves? just makes you wonder…am i really a savior? or am i just the next idiot to deal with someone’s petty ridiculous selfish personality? we always go back to what we know best.
Better the devil you know than the one you don’t.
i drive by a creepy graveyard every day to work. so many fresh plots, almost once a week i see a crew out digging graves, prepping plots, all that stuff. there’s something just so unsettling about that, but i’m not sure why. who were they? what were they like? were they young? old? children killed by disease? a lost parent?
it almost seems so distant and detached to see so many stone grey markers lining the grass, so many stories they could tell, so many lives those cold rocks have affected.
such a cold, grim honesty about a graveyard…everyone one of those people has taken their guilt, secrets, dishonesty, and pain to their graves. were they absolved? did they leave alone, never expressing their darkest actions to their closest friends around them? how many emotions have they trapped inside those boxes, never to reveal to those who needed to hear them the most?
i don’t want to die with any regrets, i don’t want to die with remorse, and i don’t want to die with deceit. we all make our own beds, but is it the bed you truly wish to lie in?