always do i seem to dream of them when they are furthest away. nearly every night i’ve seen her face, we’ve laughed, we’ve interacted…in the way things were recently. it’s such a shame to wake up again and know that it was all in my head. i can only hope to see her face again […]

sickness has taken most of my voice, but that’s unrelated to what i’m doing anyway. my head isn’t as clogged, but now it’s definitely fuzzy due to withdrawal. i was going to take a bit more time to do this, but even after a whole day without it, i’ve woken up feeling more emotion than […]

today i start my regimen to wean from my meds. withdrawal is going to be intense i’m sure, but luckily i haven’t been on too long this run. only a couple months. i’m in for a ride. i feel i have some positive influences in my life right now that keep me sane and keep […]

NIN — Terrible Lie hey God why are you doing this to me? am i not living up to what i’m supposed to be? why am i seething with this animosity? hey God i think you owe me a great big apology. terrible lie terrible lie terrible lie terrible lie hey God i really don’t […]

hmm…well, things have been so strange lately, almost dreamlike. positive things in my life have been happening, i’ve become closer with a very close friend of mine, work is great…i guess i just don’t have much to complain about. gwar is july 3rd…day off july 4th… my eyes have reopened to so many things, and […]

just a reminder, Kalifornia is such a great movie. everyone needs to see it. and it was awesome to hang with SHE and watch it! hugs.