hah…yeah…feel THIS one. how…ironic.

August 13, 2006 – Sunday
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the world is beautiful when i close my eyes
i dreamt of a girl…we were lying in a bed just…moving, turning, looking for that perfect spot to fit comfortably in each others arms. to steal from Brody and Mallrats, it was like living out the metaphor for the whole relationship, though not just with spooning, but trying to snap together like puzzle pieces in a way that felt so right. we would kiss, we would stop and look in each other’s eyes and smile…we would kiss again, then move again, seeking that perfect link. it went on for hours…our legs intertwining, my arms cradling her as she lay with her face against my chest, or we would switch places and she would cradle me, but each change was as beautiful as the last. i felt so free, so loved, so pure…times like that terrify me because i hate wondering if it will ever be that way with someone, or if it will simply feel pressured and influenced instead of natural. i loved her lips, i loved her smile, i loved the innocent way she looked at me. it could have lasted mere minutes but i felt trapped in eternity…my heart pumping in synch with hers. sometimes the moments in dreams are much more beautiful than waking life, and those are the times i never want to wake up. my dreams are always so vivid and horrible every other time…visions of things that no one should be forced to see…and i stay nervous about ever closing my eyes because i don’t want to face it every night…and then i have these. i have the dreams of absolute perfection that are in arms reach but still a million miles away. you are a star burning brightly in my clouded sleep…and i will burn my hands every night trying to catch you.