I’m utterly conflicted. There are a thousand things I want to say right now, and also zero things worth saying. I’m truly shocked and floored. Alas, why should I be? Every mouth around me told me what would happen, yet I STILL fucking defended and denied. Is this truly what I’ve always been? A worthless pawn in a quest for self-assurance and self-identification? That fire now burning inside was NEVER there three years ago. Whence came the tiny spark? It is going to burn down all that is left. Even the tiniest breath over the shoulder can still fan a flame.