i dreamt of her again. seems i was in Florida at Disney i believe…i know i wasn’t in town. i was walking through a crowd and then felt someone behind me, and saw her as i glanced back. my heart sank, i felt angry, sad, disgusted, regretful, fearful…and i wanted to disappear. i ended up having to turn, and had to walk by her…and ducked my face down and put my hand near the side of my face to hide, but she called me out. she smiled and hugged me as a girl does, half awkwardly and half genuinely…and i told her she couldn’t squeeze or i’d break. blank small talk ensued of me saying i’d suffered a broken sternum, and then the world went blank again.

the rest of the dream i only remember a stranger coming into the hotel room shared by me and my cousin and he wouldn’t leave. others showed up until a table full of strangers were refusing to exit the room in some weird attempt at commandeering the room or something, the rest is just a blur.

my soul is always so tired after things like this…facing monsters i hide from and who hide from me; sometimes i just wish i could sleep and feel nothing.