I’ve forgotten what it’s like to dream.  All lines have been so badly blurred by chemical reactions that nothing ever felt real anymore, especially not dreams. Within those blurred lines I had glimpses of “me” still somewhere waiting, and I’ve had no way to…remember. The catalyst was simply changing chemicals.

Now, I remember everything, and I remember what it feels like to be back in control.

I’ve finally been deeply dreaming again, and I finally feel connected in ways I’d lost.

Ultimately there’s always a price, and it was her. So many years of silence, and that’s not silence to dare be broken because it does seem that even with inaction we become immeasurable forces of nature. As she did many years back by dreaming of me exactly as my life was that moment, and urged to find a way simply to let me know…this is my only way of doing the same thing.

Every second of that dream was terrifying when she told me she is refuting her current life and choosing the one with me. I was a decision and not a default. I remembered everything, and felt…”how awful goodness is.”. I had to then wake up, here, with those lips and words so tangible. You are the welling in my eyes for the rest of this day, and the tightening in my throat reminding me I’m capable of these useless emotions.

I’m lucky that, in this disgusting place, I had the singular opportunity to have shared something so strange with another person. Little Shehag, I hope you had one night of peace again, for us to dance the way we do in dreams.