ok, sometimes i really wonder if i’m gonna wake up from these things.

i’d ran into a friend, going to be called D for this, and the earliest bit i remember was that i was driving her to a bank of some sort, or an airport, or a combo of both, i can’t fucking remember. it was a bank at first then some type of airport because she was picking up a package that had just come in. well, i get out to go find her and she’s rolling out this giant crate that apparently is imported alcohol or something, so that was pretty cool. anyway, then she “lives” like, right inside this giant building, which apparently was a mall, bank, and airport. she uses her key to open two glass doors leading into a clothing shop, and then walking toward the back it seems to open into a huge expanse of rooms and such. anyway, i’d felt drunk while going inside, and i know she had shared a drink with me too, and i was having such trouble fighting between knowing it was a dream or feeling it was reality. i was so sluggish, but so conscious….i knew my surroundings, like, i was aware of all the people near me and around me, but i had such a hard time focusing on things. i remember we walked through these hallways into her “room” and had another drink, then people started showing up. of course, everyone was hot, and in black leather…there were several girls that came through with bright red hair that were just adorable…and then with more weirdness, i started seeing people that RECOGNIZED me, but of course i couldn’t place who they were. my mind was so fuzzy and fucked up, i couldn’t tell who i knew and who i didn’t. well D mostly disappeared through the rest of it as i wandered around in these rooms which had been growing and changing. i remember there were like, 4 bedrooms, 2 on each side and across from each other. i remember that they were all decorated differently but i can’t remember specific details. hell, i even remember thinking my car was parked at the curb in front of this “bank” and had asked her about it, she said it’s fine and if it gets towed we’ll worry about it “tomorrow.” oh, and that evidently i was staying there all night. ok, now to see if i can remember what i saw….

there was a very large guy, and a much smaller guy, both in renn garb that were listening to their current recording of their album listening for mistakes or problems and such. both were speaking with a thick burly scot accent, with heavy rolling of the R’s. i think one was wearing bright orange or green, i know those colors dont seem alike. the other was wearing purple i believe. there was a guy in this lounge area that was tattooing his own arm and using a mirror to do so. i told him it was amazing he coiuld do it, that i can’t even draw a straight fucking line, let alone believe i could tattoo myself symmetrically using a mirror. im blanking.

oh, i remember now, the beginning of it, we’d gotten inside the “room” and had some drinks, and there were about 3 or 4 others with her, and i remember i kept trying to pass out, but it wasn’t passing out, it was trying to wake up. sure, doesn’t make sense to most of you…i was losing discernment between reality and dream, between body and spirit. i was conscious, but i was losing control of my body. the other people with us started getting sick and vomiting, and D was trying to help them and was wiping everything up and cleaning it…like, they were spewing green bile, it looked like green koolaid or something. no, not green as in pea soup and exorcist. just green liquid. so i’d gotten up to find help and i couldn’t fucking speak properly and couldn’t express my message to everyone coming in, they kept thinking i was drunk or something. eventually they caught on and helped us. beh. minor detail, one of the guys had recognized me, we had gripped/shaken hands and i remember his grip on my thumb, i told him to squeeze harder because i needed to pop my thumb..and he did, and it popped. a beautiful girl with short blonde hair had sortof backed into me then too, and had her head turned behind her looking at me just smiling….hmmm.

ok now i’m running out of details, oh, the lounge…well i’d found a room that was a bar of some sort. there was girl there that i sorta recognized, she knew me at first and then i figured out i knew her from my past and she’d just told me how she wants to kiss me so badly, or something. wanted to know what it was like, i dunno. she was playing pool with someone.

oh, and i had my phone with me. now i really don’t know, i’ve had a new friend resurface and it’s always the same…she’s receptive and wants to see me, wants to hang out, and then just drops off the planet again. last night she never returned my call about hanging out, and then this morning i hear from her a couple of times, and now…nothing. and my phone just beeped….wonder if it’s her…no, it was someone else. well i remember sending her a text message asking if we’re going out tonight, but then i got a message from someone else, replying for her. i dunno, its fuckin just weird. anyway, then someone else was explaining it to me, that the only 2 important people in her life are me and this other guy, and the other guy likes her? something. and she was trying to create friendship with all 3 of us because she “didn’t like” him or something…which is how the story goes but is never true. well, it probably makes sense, and did in the dream…i could be playing 2nd fiddle right now, again, with this one…and i can’t do it again, i won’t. we’ll see. but…what i wonder…did i send this text during the few times i’d woken up and looked at my phone? i know i looked a couple of times and i swear i sent a message…now i don’t want to send a second one…bah. i hate those feelings.

oh, and in the “bar” i’d found, i ran into D again and we drank more. she handed me a light drink with a straw telling me to drink, so i drank about half of it, then she handed me a dark colored drink and i drank half of it as well. then, something was calling, i dunno…i was having to leave to go see someone or something. i can’t rememeber…im blanking again, i just knew i had to leave. oh, and i had to stop and make out with the girl that wanted to kiss me. i never did, i know i woke up before that happened.

day had gone to night, and i somehow staggered my way outside, but had found my way upward to the roof of this building. i heard people asking where i was going or how i was going, and jokingly said i was going to base jump out of there. i was in a downtown area too…and it was nighttime and no one was around…and so, knowing i was dreaming i just jumped and started flying…i knew the others didn’t know that i was dreaming (i know, makes no sense) and i was mimicking that i had a parasail of some sort and was gliding around and heard them yelling and cheering, and at some point i forced myself awake, though it took my quite a while to fully wake up and realize i WAS awake, my eyes wouldn’t open and i couldn’t keep from bouncing back and forth to sleeping and dreaming to being awake and trying to move. i know i’d come to and i picked up my phone and sent a message to my friend sam, who just wrote back so at least i know i was awake and i did that, so that makes me feel better 🙂

ughh…..

man wtf…i dont know what else to even say.

my head still hurts, my eyes are still fuzzy and my body is still weak from all of this, i’m still fighting to keep myself awake. i want to go lie down again and fall asleep but i dont know if i should now.