well, i hate to even admit it, i dreamt of her last night. i dreamt of someone i shouldn’t be dreaming of, and i enjoyed it…i miss those arms, those hands, that heartbeat…wtf is wrong with me, i try so hard to hate someone and it never works…she’s going to be a constant reminder of all things i once had in my life, and it seems i won’t be replacing them any time soon…. they always say “things happen when you least expect it…” well, they lie. that’s bullshit, things never fall in your lap, and the times i’ve had where they do, it always ends up a mess. women are strictly evil, mischevious, and deceptive…i’m slowly losing faith in humanity, it seems there are only a select few humans that are even worth the time. i concentrate my efforts too much on those who never wished me to concentrate on them at all. why AM i down here? is this punishment? or am i meant to be here, meant to simply help those in need, help those understand that all things are not always as bad as believed, that there ARE good people out there, there ARE guys that will understand and treat you like a person….i’m left here as an example. i exemplify all those things that are possible, and i grasp for all those things that are impossible…call it my Aquarian nature, i suppose….arrogance precedes me. touch my soul and you will revel in the knowledge that is contained within, but you cannot have it, i alone possess it and it is mine to keep. you only get a glimpse, i’m no longer allowing anyone inside, not this way…it’s much too painful. kris, i love you, you are my friend, and i will give you the words, “you were right.” i apologize that you lost respect for me, i apologize that you feel i’m a different person, i am only the person i am right now, i can’t always exist as the one that you knew so well. my change is merely for my own good and for no one else. …went to jens going away party tonight, had a blast, she is going to be sorely missed at our store, i fear what may soon happen to our morality now that our most knowledgable leaders are both gone…good luck to you, jen, good luck in all you do.