so i saw an old friend yesterday….a girl from my past came in, a girl i really didn’t know, someone i had said a whole of less than 20 words to in my life, i’m sure. i was helping some guy with a cd player, and this girl walks up standing unusually close to me, so i finally look up, and it was none other than Daisy…and the guy was her bf. she smiled and said hi right away, it took me a second to figure out who the hell she was though. she was much shorter than i remember….of course, tall shoes make all the difference. turns out she is a gamer, her and her bf play games all the time. it was somewhat disappointing, i mean, a hot hot hot ass chick like that plays games….makes me wonder how many more of them play them as well…perhaps i should pursue the avenues i once pursued so long ago. it was a nice feeling that someone i hardly knew could even remember me from the brief times we saw each other. i saw another old high school friend the other day, she was looking great as well…makes me wonder where my time has been spent, i focused too much on keeping one soul close to me, i should have been out exploring other forms of happiness…nothing is fucking permanent in our lives anyway, so why should i attempt to settle for one thing anymore? i might as well enjoy all that i can….that’s what everyone else is doing, that’s what everyone else finds enjoyable. my views need to change from loveful to lustful, caring and feelings get you nowhere, simple pleasures and greedy eyes at least bring momentary satisfaction. i got to hang with Gi last night, great times. we watched tons of anime, i got introduced to all kinds of new stuff. i watched Samuri X, Cowboy Bebop, 5 episodes of Berserk….Berserk was AWESOME omfg….Cowboy Bebop is great too, i think i’ll have to pick up some of all of those he brought. i had him watch Trigun, too, he seemed to enjoy it as well. my solitude seems easier done than said, for once, i was entirely left alone saturday, with the exception of Gi. i value his effort to hang out with me, i’ve been so unreachable lately, i’m glad i finally did hang with him. no one else even seemed to notice, if he hadn’t come over, i would have spent the time alone, odd….usually someone ends up over here, i guess tides are changing. rich, i hope things are getting better for you, my bro, keep it between us, beautiful people don’t need to hear about the pain that men suffer. i can’t hang on to certain attachments i have to other souls, my pain increases with each disappointment, i must seal my feelings off at the root, i guess i need to be able to say the things that others have said, “my life will go on if you aren’t in it.” i’ve heard those words before. when i empty myself i’ll be able to be simply “friends” with all those i cross paths with. love as the word that most feel they know is soon to disappear from my body. comfortability, understanding, compassion, care, attachment, enjoyment, and trust amongst others are no longer considered “love” it seems, love is simply that erotic feeling that arises within your stomach, that nervous reaction when a beautiful face walks in the door, that burning sensation in your heart that makes you want to fuck someone….seems that is the new definition of love. i don’t want that one, i prefer the other. i’m back to watching the sky for that creature to come down, the one that realizes where my loyalties lie.