i actually posted this as a comment/reply to another friend’s post, so some of it is a little “directed” at that, but it was way too long to not keep and post as a solo blog, since i feel that there are some lessons to be learned from it. get pissed if you want, but that just means you may be one of the negative types that i discuss.
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i think…it’s really easy.
i’m borrowing from an analogy that a friend told me recently, and it is this: that friends fall into certain maturity categories.
i’m loosely paraphrasing here, but basically that they are comparable to school grades. like, you’ve got your super immature, elementary types all the way through the higher level college and higher levels of people. sure, this is valid for actual education as well, but i’ve seen college grads that act like kids, and kids that are well beyond their years, so it’s not 100% reversible based on REAL education.
this is also not the same as “friends from high school” or the like, this is a different type of categorization.
here’s where i step on my soap box and say that, from experiences, stories, ramblings, etc., that there are a great deal of people that you know (or are friends) that would seem to fall in the “high school” type area. and by that i mean they tend to care only about themselves and their own desires and don’t give a shit about others. of course, it could be argued that people are selfish by nature, but that’s a whole other philosophical argument.
again, while i’m still on my soap box, i will pat my friends on the back once again, and say how OVERWHELMINGLY accepting and nice they ALL are. i’ve introduced you to probably 65-70% of my friends and all of them have loved you, they all talk to you, cater to you, try to make you feel welcome, etc. they’ve all gone out of their way to try and be friendly and chat with you and at least keep up social grace. my friends have been happy that you’re with me, hanging out with me, seen with me, or whatever, and haven’t tried to be spiteful to me about it…and haven’t tried to cleave you from me or stop you from seeing me, or anything else that’s just…selfish. you’ve made new friends in life and on myspace, and those friendships have carried beyond being “the blonde girl hanging out with daniel” into you being your own person and having conversations that don’t involve me being there.
that being said, i’ve not seen the same. that’s not a plea, and that’s not being whiny, it’s just an observation. some people aren’t open to change or open to making new friends, and that’s fine…but seeing as how i’ve become an integral part of your (social) life, it just seems the next logical step to try and make friends with the new person, right?
well, with people being selfish and wanting to keep you for themselves, that just shows a bit of disrespect toward you, that it shows their intentions seem to be that they want “you” for other reasons than simple friendship…especially when they start judging you based on who you hang out with. yes, everyone has their clique and don’t always welcome new people…but seriously…out of the nearly 100 plus people you’ve met that i’m friends with, have any of them tried to exclude you? even the awkward situations with meeting my ex girlfriends…you’ve made friends with them. they’ve been open and friendly, and held no negativity toward you or judgement.
for one…this says that ALL my friends are fucking awesome, and that’s why they’re MY friends. i don’t hang out with shitty people, and i try to stay away from the “high school” type mentality that are just selfish and want a girl to be a “piece of ass” for the group, they want people there because they truly enjoy their company. is it really all about popularity? how you look? how much you can drink? how many girls/guys you can pick up in a bar? how many people you’ve nailed? no. it really isn’t. that shit mattered in high school, and it’s fucking useless in maintaining adult friendships and circles of friends.
do you know how many friends i’ve lost because of relationships? too many…all too often do i watch girls that i’m great friends with meet some douchebag guy that controls their world, their actions, their everything…that keeps them from having any male friends other than him…because of this “high school” mentality. should i sweat it? no. when a friendship becomes difficult to maintain…it’s no longer a friendship. when a friend questions your every move, and NOT because they’re trying to watch out for your best interest or to help you realize you’re repeating a mistake…that’s not a friendship either. when a boy/girl has a crush on you and you don’t feel the same way…and that person only causes you grief and WON’T be happy for you when YOU find someone that truly makes you happy…that’s not a friendship.
teenagers and children are grasping and self-indulgent, not adults, and finding yourself in those situations isn’t healthy. you’re a genuine, nice, amiable person, and you’re very easily taken advantage of, and taken for granted. couple that with the human nature to feel wanted and admired by your peers…and that just makes for a volatile situation. when a friend makes you feel awkward, negative, or tries to sway your emotions into what THEY want from you…that’s not friendship…that’s selfish manipulation. friends are there for you to talk to when you’re down, to offer sound advice, or just to simply listen…they aren’t there to criticize you for decisions you’ve made, or actions you’ve taken…they’re there to be your friend. there are a lot of people in this world that don’t understand what having a true friend really means, they only see people as a means to an end. quite often that end may be to kiss you, fuck you, control you, or keep you as their own…simply because they don’t know how to respect someone else as a real person and real human being.
just consider what a friend has to offer you…and if they offer nothing but the ability to drain you and make you feel like shit, or make you feel like a bad person for the decisions you’ve made that make YOU happy….are they really your friend? i don’t think so…they’re disposable. with 6 billion people in the world, there’s absolutely no reason to settle for people like that, especially when you know there are people out there that won’t make you feel that way. there are plenty of people out there that simply want you to be yourself, and will encourage you in all your decisions, and support the things you do without question or without criticism.
find the ones that treat you like Jennifer, and the ones that treat you like the child that is making a mistake…or the girl that is choosing the wrong boyfriend…well, are they really your friends?