sickness has taken most of my voice, but that’s unrelated to what i’m doing anyway. my head isn’t as clogged, but now it’s definitely fuzzy due to withdrawal. i was going to take a bit more time to do this, but even after a whole day without it, i’ve woken up feeling more emotion than i have in weeks. sure, weeks isn’t a long time, but still. as for the reason i even started them, well, it was because i needed to STOP feeling. my emotions can be both a blessing and a curse. of course, that’s another emo story for another time. perhaps had my catalyst and intervention come to me before i started meds, i’m sure it would have had the same effect though.
of course ultimately the decision was mine, and though i’ve had a few friends ask why i started them again, there was one certain person that asked “i thought you stopped taking these?” and that’s the one that really stands out right now. not sure why it would be that big of a deal, but she’s the one that kept me sane through my last withdrawal. funny how one person has had such an impact on my life in such a short time, comparatively. did i spell that right? whatever. so anyway. i just totally rambled.
day 2…so far, so good. tomorrow i’m on for a day, then off two more days. i’ll go about 4 doses in i’m thinking, then i’ll switch to half doses. then…i’ll drop them. that’s when the fun starts…the headaches, the twitching, the brain shocks…sigh.
*edit* update, its now 11pm, just had the withdrawal empty headache so far today. nothing too intense, but definitely noticeable. and more evidence to the return of emotion, i read the letter i was given recently and REALLY felt something, i felt something more powerful than i had the night it was given to me. perhaps my reaction was not visible enough to how much it really meant to me. thus…again…why it’s dangerous for me to be so cold.
someone be here for me.