so i change my tune, i reconfigure my personality. and what happens? seemingly nothing. all the things i try to avoid still come up, why do i continue to try so fucking hard with everything? i don’t know why it isn’t in my nature to fucking let go and give up…coldness and apathy are so much easier, WERE so much easier…i had plenty of women chasing me back then, and i had nothing to offer except a cold shoulder, and then they complain that i wasn’t emotional enough for them….now i show emotion, and i’m fucking clingy and needy! where the hell is the line, and at what point had i stepped entirely over it? nothing is going to happen. nothing is going to happen. nothing is going to happen. nothing is going to happen. i’m worth more than this effort, i hope i’ll soon realize this. i don’t feel a gd thing. i was blinded by simple fun and enjoyment, nothing more. i never felt anything deeper or more meaningful, it was only a temporal happiness. i will continue to enjoy the happiness as it comes, and regard it as nothing more. there are plenty to choose from, and plenty that are my age…. shut your fucking eyes and stop peering into people’s souls. who in the hell am i supposed to be right now, and why the hell am i not being it?