i push so hard to keep things out of my mind sometimes….i’ve been depressed for a great while, only certain events will bring this depression to light it seems. i was usually alone my whole life…although i was surrounded by people. my state of mind is constantly updating, i see things that others don’t, i feel things that others have no idea exist. i see the things that cause the tingle on the back of your neck, i understand the things that cause you fear in darkness. i have laid eyes upon the evil that exists in our world, and it has laid eyes on me. i sometimes feel i am only here to suffer and live in despondence, as i seem to be prone to ask for unhappiness. i reach for the things that are beyond my fingertips, i grasp for those things that don’t have handles. i would be the one to truly burn my hands to grab a star, if only to know that i was able to grab it. my soul feels too empty to be human, i don’t enjoy the pleasures of normal people. i can’t find happiness in meaningless activity, and yet the things i enjoy only push me more toward ultiimate solitude. there might be someone that understands, there might be someone that can relate, but it’s harder to believe that there is someone that is willing to deal with it. of those that i’ve touched, they’ve left with knowledge of something different, i’ve made an impact on others. at least i’d like to believe i’ve made an impact. my course of action seems to only be to give others a glimpse of total freedom and individuality. my heart is longing for something right now, my chest aches for a true vision of happiness and utter beauty…i don’t look people in the eyes because i can’t stand to see the pain that every fucking one of you carries within your human body. look me in the eye and tell me that i can’t see beyond all that you try to hide and keep so secret from everyone else. perhaps slumber will give me peace from your cold world, and perhaps i’ll only be visited by those creatures that wish me to remain so unlike everyone else.