it is almost 6am and i’m still awake…i’m supposed to be at work at 11….fuck me. i’ve cleaned my place quite a bit, and no i’m not newly on drugs to be cleaning at wee hours of the morning. i just took the trash out and the focking sun is coming up. so beautiful yet so horrendous….suckery. and my happiness seems to be returning this time, the pain of jealousy i felt previously has temporarily lifted, and things may just turn out to be for the better this time. a part of me is so used to things being negative and hurtful that i’m surprised i even felt a reaction, so in a way it was a good thing i felt something PERIOD. i think this one might be something special, perhaps the thing i was looking for to extend my happiness into “dual happiness.” the warmth of tender lips pressed against your own after being freshly submerged in cool water on a hot night can be purely orgasmic. and not in a messy way. the moon shined so brightly that night, the beams flying down from the heavens onto the face of the water…reflecting all that is magical and mystical into the face of the beauty at which i stared…and then our lips slowly touched…softly, gently, passionately…in one rapturous moment the peace of the world was within my arms and my knowledge of the outside world had ceased to exist. i’d had a similar situation not too long ago, and it deserves credit as well, and yet it was not nearly as powerful as this one. everything else seems dwarfed, and i’m dying every minute waiting for the chance to have that moment back again.