the dead need freedom……. good icp. it’s been almost a week now of non smoking. i’ve been to bars and been around people smoking, it’s not bothering me for the addiction or anything, i’m just really fucking bored…i need something to do with my hands or something…that and when i’m drinking. i guess its the feeling of kicking back and having a cig…i just miss doing it. and of course…i’d say now i don’t have anything to do after sex…but…well… i don’t know what to say…i drank a LOT of fucking vodka last night and rooster booster lite, i think i went thru 6 or 7 shots and still kept my composure…but i was up all fucking night from the caffeine i suppose. bitch i bring the absurd…… i’ll just randomly insert icp lines as i hear them… ok, so i know i say a lot of things that seem really indicative of things i’ve said about other people from my past, and sure some of it is relative, but i can’t say or feel that all of it is, not in my heart. things are different…and yes, somehow related. the emotions i have potential to feel are generally within the same type, but the range and height of them has changed. one damaging fault of wearing my heart on my sleeve is that i sometimes repeat things about how i feel. i don’t want anyone to feel less special because i may have told someone else something similar or may have also noticed them differently than regular people. it happens on occasion, but the one i’ve noticed now just feels so damned different. i feel indescribable around you, i can see you and feel good about myself. i can see you type something meaningful to me and feel my heart swell. you have a power over me that i’m afraid to let you have, so i only ask that you be gentle. i have to go back outside and drop my rent in the box…ugh…its hot in my room, at least it’s nice and rainy outside. yumm….. there is always a first time for everything…i’m glad i can be something new.