so, i have visited her house a few times, met the mommy…she’s great, very sweet, very caring…such a great person. last night i got to meet the mom’s bf, he reminds me just a bit of a cross from my dad and grandpa, he’s aged just in between the two of them. well, closer to my dad of course. he seems to have a very kind spirit, seems like a genuine person. i think he was probably a bit bothered that i had earrings and such though, as i’ve been told he was pretty conservative and “wouldn’t accept me” so who knows. things have just felt…comfortable…and natural. like, nothing is awkward, nothing is uneasy or weird…i don’t feel stressed or feel like i’m being judged or examined…i suppose that’s a good feeling. i can recall times with other people and their parents where i tend to feel a bit out of place, but it doesn’t seem this way. sure maybe it’s because i’m admittedly not “a boyfriend” and by being a friend it makes things come off differently…the vibe could change if that were the case. i generally do ok with parents and family though, danya’s parents loved me…i remember they wanted to blame it all on danya when we mutually broke up, like it was her fault, she did something wrong…etc…they really wanted me around i guess. most of my girl friend’s parents liked me, both of the danielle’s i knew, their families liked me as far as i know. of course the witch, her mom decided to hate me after what had happened between us, but sure…if that’s how she needs to deal with it, that’s what she needs. oh, and the she-hag…her mom was fickle as hell, so i never knew what she thought. her dad was usually nice, and even though he yelled at me shaking his finger in my face i can’t say i hate him. he apologized for it and spoke to me recently when i saw them out at target. most people have their issues anyway, not like they have much room to judge anything or anyone else. perhaps part of me is relaxing a bit with the situation, i’m starting to come off in the wrong ways it seems. i try to be respectful and distant in her time of need, but i’m only coming off as being upset and jealous or something. i don’t want to keep my foot in the door of her life, as i’ve said, i want the decision to be made by her, not by my ever-growing presence. if i’m constantly around and involved in everything in her life, is it possible she might pick me simply by default? that’s not the way i want it. i want things to be purposeful and intentional…not accidental. don’t think i’m upset…i know you hate it…it’s only me trying to keep my distance from certain important things in your life. if you really wanted me to be a part of everything you do, i have a feeling you’d invite me to do them, not just suggest that it’s “ok” if i do. if that’s not how you are, then i ask that you DO invite me…don’t assume i know what you think, tell me what you want. i’m your friend and i only want things to be the way you want them right now. my head has been hurting for days…this is really bothering me and pissing me off…i hate having headaches… btw, i love the “anticipation kiss” you gave last night…getting so close, your breath on my lips as they almost touched…that hesitant little gasp when you realized you should pull away…it was beauty in a tangible and sensory form…magnificent…