the cycle of the relationship paper….again. It is amazing how quickly things can change. We live our daily lives mostly unsure of where we are headed until that one day when things become clear. So what happens when life begins to make sense? We often lose sight of all those things we were intent on valuing and continuing. Life is too short to contemplate on finding that perfect plan that will make us feel safe or serene. Short term happiness is nonsensical and impractical. Must we perpetually search for a quick fix for a situation? Are there not better solutions to our long term problems? I once felt love. And then I felt it again. The cycle begins and ends as steady as the sun rising and falling. How does one know the place in the cycle they exist? The beginning usually feels so fresh and exciting. The end becomes a defining point and assures us the cycle exists. Where do we lie in the middle of the cycle? Comfort and stability brings a sign of stagnation. If things are not moving or changing, the cycle then needs a change. Must we choose the beginning or end of the cycle to bring clarity? A constant search leads us to believe that there are so many better things in life that we must experience, but to what end shall we search for all those things that do not exist? The beginning mystifies and exasperates, and our senses become heightened. Colors are brighter, scents are stronger, feelings are more powerful, and everything is rose tinted through the eyes of new love. All those things that were once trite become a new experience. Is it taken for granted that a man opens a door for a lady every day of his life? Yes, and for every door opened during the cycle, a small part of that uniqueness disappears. How wonderful it must feel to be pampered in such ways. And what happens when that courtesy ends and doesn?t begin again? It will be sorely missed, and simply added to a memory of how things once were, but that isn?t important, we can overlook such things. Favors become expected and gratitude loses importance until the favors stop without notice, and the gratitude becomes nonexistent at the loss of the favors. Do we ever mention why? Everyone looks for validation for their efforts, and without it our existence becomes insecure and unwanted. Is it so difficult to simply express thanks for the things we receive from others? Human nature forces us to seek out those that hold our common interests. Must we so zealously seek to validate our own interests by finding those others that share them? Is it a cry for acceptance so we feel less inadequate? A person can exist by having a unique set of values and interests. The human race is recognized for our individuality and distinctiveness, but yet we pursue a never ending search for those who can understand our meager ideas of enjoyment. Is it really that important? In my opinion, the world would be quite boring if we all enjoyed the same things and beliefs. Our differences are what make us special and we must grasp our eccentricity and respect the fact that we may exist independently from another human, while still retaining one thing in common, love. Our most simple universal trait is love. All the living creatures on the planet are capable of love, and it is the simple emotion of love that controls the movement of the cycle. We learn our lessons in life by allowing ourselves to experience new things. Safety exists in commonality, but knowledge is inevitably learned by opening one?s eyes to the differences that exist in us all. As an example, picture an experience in a restaurant. Are we inclined to taste new foods by judging the name alone? Perhaps someone offers an opinion of a dish, or even offers a taste of their meal that you have never tried. Squid meat is a wholly unfamiliar dish to you until you allow yourself to enter the perceptions and beliefs of the person who offers it to you. Now maybe it doesn?t appeal to you as it does the other person, but you have now taken part of that person?s interest and have shared a common experience. The next time you look at that same menu, you understand you do not wish to order that dish, and instead of simply disbelieving you may enjoy it, you have real reason to know you don?t enjoy it. And you may also share a conversation about the same type of event, either in agreement of disliking it or disagreement of liking it. A shared moment has occurred, and you now have something in common with that other person. Music is the unitary voice of the world. Without music, cultures would not have a creative outlet to share with the rest of the world. The loud beating of a tribal drum, the strumming of a strange stringed instrument, or the blowing of a loud horn all scream beauty to the masses, regardless of one?s personal interpretation. And what of more contemporary musical interests, are they not as culturally cohesive as the music of the rest of the world? There are so many genres of music to list, but they all share one common vision to show the world ?this is my creative voice.? Obviously we must all have our own preferences to types of music we enjoy, and we should also remain open to the idea that it is the music that is important, not the type. If one person prefers Jazz and another prefers Classical, they knowingly don?t enjoy each other?s preference in music, but at the same time they should realize that both of them enjoy music. By sharing their own interests with other people they again have a shared moment, and possibly have opened that person to know fully if they do or do not enjoy something they may have never experienced otherwise. How many actions do we make in order to receive the same actions in return? Humans instinctively treat others the way they generally wish to be treated, and at times this can become a problem. With this knowledge it can be somewhat easier to understand why a person acts the way they do. If you are instinctively affectionate, you generally wish others to be the same way, and this is all assumed they should act that way since you do it yourself, but that is an unfair assumption. In a situation where a person is unaccustomed to offering such affection, be it from lacking an affectionate family or just simple lack of interaction with affectionate people, that person is not going to be instinctively affectionate, and will not understand the other person?s perspective of such actions. So in a situation such as this, how does a couple solve such an issue? Implicit rules such as these constantly pose a problem, and the only way to overcome these things are to be utterly honest about what each of you expect from the other and then make a compromise between your two individual traits. Expect the other person to fail at times, as we are only human, but with constant reminder of your agreement and compromise things should work themselves out in time. So what happens with the cycle when the beginning passes and we find ourselves in the middle? Those little things that meant so much soon disappear, the outrageous courtesies become nonexistent, the favors lessen daily, and the personal qualities we find in the other person ultimately fail to exist as we realize all these things were done for mere impression and adoration, or at times, for other ulterior motives. Humans have a powerful way of offering all the things we need at the time to simply gain favor or acceptance, and over time when we realize those things were just a guise we have then found ourselves in the middle of the cycle. Thus the search begins to find a way to the beginning or the end of the cycle so that we may feel those beautiful things we once felt only a few months before. The hardest part of the cycle has begun, and life loses the rose tinted shade and we see things for how they truly are. As the cycle continues, reality begins to set in and we learn to see the true nature of a person instead of the glamorous exterior that has been previously shown. So many things demonstrate change in this stage. One might receive fewer phone calls, fewer flowers, fewer greeting cards, or fewer dinner dates amongst other things. Instead of being so appreciative and understanding, the other person may disagree with an opinion or idea, or even say ?no? when previously saying ?yes.? As humans become more comfortable with each other, our beautiful facades start to crumble and we allow the other person inside us more and more. We often keep our opinions to ourselves for fear of embarrassment, shame, insult, shyness, or many other reasons. As our comfort level rises, our self-assurance rises with it, and it becomes easier to express such opinions even at the expense of causing a disturbance in the relationship. How does one react when someone finally speaks of their dislike for your favorite movie, food, or band? Of course we pretend it isn?t a concern, but inside we all feel that sting of spite. We wonder why they don?t appreciate our favorite things the way we do, and we begin to adjust our perception of that person. Now the important lesson when a person begins to speak their mind is to simply remember that their opinions are equally as valid as your own, no matter how hurtful or unalike they are to your own. We all have the same right to hold our own views, and only courtesy shall define when we speak of our views, there is no other determination of a correct time to speak them. Is it a life changing reason that someone doesn?t enjoy Jazz the way you do? Or perhaps they do not enjoy seafood, does that make them less of the person you saw them as? Even though we wish to believe the person we met is no longer the same, they truly are. And further, they are the truer version of who you met as they have become comfortable enough to disagree with your interests if they see fit. People do not need to hold a common interest in all the things they enjoy. As previously stated, people may never learn of new things without the influence of others. Embrace the individuality of the other person, learn to accept it, trust yourself to love it. The most difficult stage of establishing our differences lies ahead. To truly love and embrace someone, we must also love and embrace all those things about them that we do not enjoy. As difficult as it may be, we must continue to nurture and encourage each other to pursue the things that make us happy. For as many things as one person dislikes, there are as many things the other person dislikes too. These become the things that can be done without the other person, if that other person is no longer willing to participate. Preserve the things that both of you enjoy and do them together. Appreciate the times you can spend together doing those things, and equally enjoy the time you have to yourself while doing the other things. The concept is of course much easier said than done, but it isn?t impossible to achieve. Thus the newest concept of the cycle is introduced, and that concept is trust. How often have we been disappointed or betrayed by another human being? With all the negative actions we receive from others it becomes increasingly difficult to fully trust another person. All the broken promises, all the heartache, all the suffering, and all the lack of communication create such a strong barrier to keep people from coming inside your heart and soul. What actions must be taken to put your life in another?s hands? Would you lay down your own existence for the safety of another? Would you allow someone a view of all your secrets? Trust comes with time. There unfortunately are no definitive actions to create trust with another person, but by avoiding all those things that create mistrust, people will open themselves to you. Give your faith to the other person and allow them to return the favor and a trusting bond shall be created. Once we allow ourselves to trust and be trusted by another person, a strong mutual bond of care ensues. Humans have a natural tendency to nurture another in times of suffering, some of it is learned and some of it we simply know. In this part of the cycle we begin to care for the other on such a deep level, their discomfort weighs upon our own heart. We take care of the other when sick, upset, injured, or any other malady they might be suffering. How tenderly we can replace a bandage on a cut finger, how lovingly we can bring someone soup when they are sick, how caringly we can offer a strong hug when someone is saddened. Are these things enlighteningly meaningful? Is it easy to see another person at their worst? I?ve personally been horribly sick and had a wonderful person care for me in a way I could never replace. I?ve had someone treat a major injury of mine and never blink an eye or show an inkling of contempt. Do such things come easy? Of course not, they come with trust and a strong emotional bond. Such a tie with another person is not something to easily forget, those are the type of things that indicate a deep love that has grown through acceptance of the other person. When the ability to do such things occurs, we should never overlook them, we should hold them tightly to our hearts and appreciate them for being truly magical. We have found ourselves in a situation of realizing true love and care exists, so where do we go now? The push forward comes with open expression of emotion and validation of the other?s efforts. As difficult as it may be, we must open our hearts and share our innermost hopes and fears with the other person to further allow them to see us for who we truly are. Such sharing involves great risks. Will my feelings be rejected? Will my dreams be mocked? Will my fear inspire resentment? Unfortunately, there may be dreadful repercussions when we allow ourselves to share, but without taking such risks the other people may feel stagnated or distanced or even mistrusted. No one can invalidate your feelings, as they are your own and are never falsified if spoken from the heart. We so often miss the opportunity to tell someone how we truly feel about them, and sometimes we may never receive that chance again. I?ve personally felt this regret, and I can never have that one day back to tell that person how I wholeheartedly felt about them. Always offer thanks and encouragement for all those things the other person does and has done for you, never let them feel that their efforts are in vain and you selfishly receive their gifts with no feelings of appreciation. Don?t miss your window as I did. By this point, all the bad habits, all the shortcomings, all the unfavorable traits have generally been seen, and we must accept them as much as we accept the love from the other person. Everyone has their own vices, and no one is perfect. We now enter the ?grass is always greener on the other side of the fence? stage. Upon realization of the true identity of a person, we may find ourselves comparing them to another, thinking that someone else might have less inadequacies or qualities more common to us. In this stage comes a lot of evaluation and deep thought. We can spend our entire lives looking for all those qualities we believe to be so important and we so often lose sight of the beauty we have in front of our eyes. Sometimes it takes drastic actions for one to realize what they have, and sometimes we may realize what we actually had when it is all but too late. Willingness to ignore the shortcomings of a person is a capability we all have, and the deepest love will allow us to ignore all those things with which we might disagree. If one can look past resentment and unconditionally love someone for the very person they are, they have received the most miraculous gift of all. Love someone with all your heart, give yourself over to your feelings and express them every day, for we never know when life may take that person out of our lives and force us to regret all the opportunities we had to do so but never took. Our cycle now brings us to an interesting point. What happens when we realize we are unable to accept this person for all that they are? Some people are unwilling to accept the differences they have as being special and simply wish to search for a situation that contains no problems. Well, the inevitable truth to be found is simply that a perfect relationship does not exist. All of them have problems of varying degrees. A problem may not exist in the same fashion in a different relationship, but one of the same magnitude of a different type will soon arise, again forcing a person into the ?grass is always greener on the other side of the fence? syndrome. This search for perfection is ultimately futile, and in no way am I suggesting that someone simply settle for something, but we should never overlook how beautiful a connection we have with another person. We have the potential to find that bond with another human being, but why continue the search when we find something so beautiful lies right in front of our eyes? Conflict is a natural occurrence, and one that we undoubtedly cannot avoid. Conflict exists in every aspect of our lives, from home, relationships, and friends to school, work, and social gatherings. Not every conflict has a solution, and not every conflict needs to be solved, but with honesty and emotional expression, conflict can be manageable. Love, care and trust are engrossingly more powerful than any conflict and with love anything can be accomplished as long as two people work together. Love forces us to better ourselves and increase our self-confidence. Love blinds us into believing our lives are moving forward. Love creates such a comfort in our minds that we never see tragedy before it strikes. Love both mystifies and terrifies all in one moment. In my own personal experience, I was so blinded by my love for another person I failed to express my emotions and gratitude for everything the other person meant to me, and in failing to do so, I have had the greatest loss of my life. I must confess I regret not performing that simplest of actions, and alas I am unable to regain that opportunity now. When we find ourselves alone and desperately heartbroken, there is no obvious cure to fix the situation. The most difficult situation in life to face is to have deep, strong love for someone and not have those feelings reciprocated. It is in our nature to love, and feelings cannot be turned off in an instant. Hearts take time to mend. We all desire to love and be loved, and we all hurt in situations like this. We realize the value of our friends and family when times like this arrive, and at the same time, they simply can?t replace the true love that has been lost. The black void in our souls that devours all other things is a hungry beast, and often an unstoppable force in our attempt to feel better. All the pain and anger is indescribable when it flows through your body and stings your wounded heart. It just seems that no one can understand the purest emotion of feeling lost, tossed aside, and utterly, unfathomably alone. We can empathize with others about our predicaments and they can offer moral support, but one thing to remember, at least you realize you are capable of such strong love for another human being. Thus we see one example of the end of our cycle. This end forces us to reassess our present situation in such a way that drastic changes usually occur and we attempt to recreate ourselves into another image. On the other hand, we may decline into such a slump that we retain all the negative aspects that possibly had an influence on the end and spiral further downward into a pit of regression and denial. The end of the cycle is always present and always feared. It is regrettably the sign we always believe will appear. The indicators are not always clear, and at times we may never see the end approaching. Evaluate your situation early, ensure you are following steps to let the other person know how much you truly love them and value them as an individual. The only hope from this point is to find the beginning of the cycle again. Luckily the other example of the end is much less negative. When one truly realizes they love another and the other person reciprocates the same love, what happens then? The most obvious answer is to make a long term commitment. Unconditional love means never bearing a grudge, never holding resentment, never mistrusting, and never walking away from a problem. Unconditional love means always expressing love, always showing care, always giving appreciation, and always having patience to work through differences. These qualities can be demandingly difficult to find in a person or to give to a person, but such a blessing when they are discovered. I have these feelings in my soul, but sadly, my window of opportunity slammed on my fingers before I was able to step past my fear of such truth. Perhaps one day that window will be reopened. After such a long term commitment can be established, marriage becomes an option, or simply living together to share your lives and company. Blessed truly are the couples that are able to achieve such greatness, as they are experiences to never be replaced or forgotten. We shall all love and lose, and we shall all suffer the joys and pains of fully giving oneself over to the power and majesty of true unconditional love. When true care and nurturing exists between two people, embrace it. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but it tastes exactly the same as what you have on your own side. Love can be a fickle monster, it can cause pain and happiness all in one breath. Love can offer death, love can offer rebirth. Love can be given, love can be stolen. Protect the love you find, cherish the emotions you share, nurture the relationship you hold. Grab the one you love and express how much you truly care for them and all the things you appreciate about all they offer. Chase the one you love and do not let them out of your heart. The cycle loses the beginning and end at this point and simply becomes perpetual and as unending as a circle. Each day is full of love and care, life is faced hand in hand instead of alone, and if one person falls, there is always someone there to catch them. Do not lose sight of your true feelings and intentions as I did. Never let the innate fear of rejection control your actions, never let your insecurities forbid you from speaking your heart. I regret every single day that I never did all the things that I now understand. I had the girl of my dreams within my grasp, and all it would have taken was a simple exchange of words to make her believe what I truly feel in my heart, but alas, I was too late. To the one I wish I could have kept in my soul and my arms forever, I will never forget you, and I will always love you.