The Shine — Sweet sweet bliss…things have now taken such a rapid turn for the better…she has noticed me. I’m writing this for me and you, so I guess there is no reason to not refer to you as “you” instead of “she.” There will be no vague references here, this can be direct truth…no hiding my words. You are incredible. I don’t remember feeling this fucking alive when I was with someone. You excite me in ways I hardly remember, you do things to my mind that I nearly forgot were possible. I’m going to end up rambling quite a bit, and some of this may not flow well. i find you amazingly attractive…you go beyond the physical ideals for beauty as well. What I said about the first time I saw you was true. I think I fell for you in that one simple moment. YOu didn’t even know i existed and I didn’t even know your name…I guess soon after that I found out you were still on 9 and that you’d had a long term boyfriend. Now, as much as you had your opinions on me and my looks, I of course had mine about you as well. The few times I saw you I kept thinking that there was no way I would ever get close to you…gilrs like you are off limits for guys like me. You can’t deny what you are anymore than I can deny what I am. We were inevitably two strangers in two different worlds…both of us looking for the same thing…the one thing that always eludes everyone. Love is so terrifying and dangerous…but we all chase it and give our lives to finding that one special moment over and over and over again…we want it to last forever and we even ignore the pain we are in just so long as we believe someone else loves us back. I’ve been damaged, you’ve been damaged…its happened to us all. I’ve wanted so badly to love someone again, I’ve even tried to convince myself that some of these people I’ve touched recently were worth my time…and you know what? They weren’t. Stalker was a joke, clogger was another singular event. We shared one moment together and that’s all it was ever meant to be. You saw me get upset about her…I was really just wanting to convince myself that things could be different. And the others, well, that’s all they were too. I’ve wasted time going moment to moment, and I think deep down I know all of them were never going to be meaningful. So before I get aoff the point I need to get back on track. I’ve wanted to find something incredible, something awesome, something powerful. I guess more precisely, I wanted that magical moment that we all want…I wanted to look at someone, stare in their eyes and watch them look back at me as deeply as I was looking at them. I wanted to look at someone and watch them smile at me and see that their heart was feeling something as well…the way they would smile back… I love watching you smile…I love knowing that it was me that made you smile. I shiver when I think of laying with you staring face to face and knowing both of us were smiling about the same feeling and for the same reason. You soothed my heart to know that you give me the same meaningful smile when I kissed you as when we merely gazed in each others eyes…I could stare at you for hours and lose myself in thoughts and fantasies about what is going on in your head. I’ve wanted so badly to believe that i could find myself in your heart the way you climbed in mine. You show so much passion in those beautiful eyes of y ours…so much and you never knew it. There were many things that you said that night…and when you did…my heart was melting. You make me feel as though I’m flying in a dream. My mind and thoughts falter and wave. My heart soars and my stomach rolls to my throat. I’ve had a steady tingly feeling in my head from thinking about you and how wonderful you truly are. Ok I’m going into flattery again, I’m trying to stay on track. I could pour pages and pages about what I think of you…now to saturday night…I find you are one of the most beautiful creatures I’ve found, and with my high insecurity I still find it surprising that you’ve even given me the chance to get closer. I complicated you the minute we touched, and I hope you don’t resent me for making things so complex. I knew what i wanted when you came through the door…I wanted to feel your lips pressed to mine. I’ve longed for it a while now, but only after i sorted my feelings and made sense of things. Your skin was so soft and pure when i touched your stomach, I didn’t want to stop caressing you. It was highly bold of me to advance the way I did. You couldn’t understand how badly I wanted to taste you that night…you hesitated at first…but even that close…just feeling your breath against my lips…noticing your body getting excited and pulsing faster…I was yearning for that dangerous kiss…your lips were golden, they were as soft as silk…smooth…luscious…warm…everything I dreamt they would be. Only this time you were real, you were in my amrs, your skin was next to mine…I wasn’t dreaming and I didn’t have to close my eyes to feel your soul dancing with mine…as I first said…pure bliss. I knew at that moment we had crossed a line that we couldn’t step back from…I’ve never done this before and I’ve never been in a situation like it either. I’m in new territory right along with you. My feelings are strong and pure, otherwise I never would have tried to cross that line…i can’t fight the emotions that swirl inside me…and to be honest, I don’t want to fight them. As you read earlier about my perceptions, everything changes around you…brigher, sharper, stronger…the world around me fades into the background…it becomes only you…the focus of my attention and thoughts, the universe becomes you and I standing hand in hand. It’s an amazing sensation… It was intense, passionate, meaningful…everything that people only wish would happen to them, and I felt it first hand. You feel so comfortable…so natural…I feel like my heart has danced with you while I’ve slept and dreamed…like I’ve held you before in some fantasy. You just feel like you belong. Not like you belong with me in some creepy destiny way…just that it feels very natural to have you with me and to touch you and kiss you…we melded together so perfectly, nothing felt awkward, nothing felt strange…it all felt so…right. My mind has felt so different with you around, like things are starting to make sense. I’ve said how I’ve tried to trick myself into liking people in the past and it hasn’t worked…and then with you, it just happened. i’ve never been so sure that I wanted to touch someone…I watched your lips move when you talked and smiled and imagined how they must feel…I’ve wondered how you curve and how your body would glimmer in pale light…how supple your skin would be under my fingertips…even something as simple as the times your hand would brush against mine when we do crossword puzzles. You’d touch my hand ever so slightly when it was resting in your way on the table. I’d like to think sometimes you noticed the same things… You’ve inspired me in ways i couldn’t tell you. I have had the urge to do things…I’ve written more in the past week than I probably have in six months. So many things pour from my heart and my hand…I’m glad you enjoy reading my words. I really didn’t expect things to happen this way, I probably can’t make it sound believable though. Of course it may sound a bit contradictory to the story of the first time i saw you…thinking you were adorable and feeling the things i do now are of course different. When you and Cindy first called me to meet you at the bar…I only considered it friendly and while I thought you were cute I never pictured you seeing me in the light that you do. I’m glad you did of course. I guess slowly the more I talked to you I started noticing all those things I tell you and feel. Also I’ve told you i tried not to like you…I knew i wasn’t your type way before you told me…but some part of you hesitated. I could see it in your bright eyes. Something was telling you to hesitate and to not just erase the thought that regardless of my outward appearance maybe something caught your attention…that same spark that allowed our lips to touch and our passion to grow…you’ve opened your mind and given me that chance. I know you never believed you’d be kissing someone like me…. The other issue I knew you’d have would be in regard to your family. I have nothing but respect for you to have never tried changing me…you wouldn’t ask me to be anyone other than myself. I think it may have been a little difficult for you to understand at first that I can’t sacrifice who i am to simply please someone, but you also know that means I’d never ask it of you. I’m seeing that yo urealize you have real freedom with me to be only yourself. i truly love you for exactly what you are, i don’t want to mold you into a new person or try to change your personality. I want the package as it is, along with all the surprises that may be included. Please accept that I will continue to decorate my body and it may not always be something you like…but it doesn’t change my heart and soul…I’m still the same person when your eyes are closed and I hold y ou in my arms. Know this, if you need or ask me to be another person for a day, I understand and i am willing to do it. If I need to be normal to meet your parents or family, i can do it. I make those sacrifices for my own family, so it doesn’t offend me for you to ask me to do the same for yours. My body shivers when I think of you..my mind reels when we kiss…my body aches for your trouch when you are near me…