nothing much to even say. it sickens me to hold so much disgust for something, it makes me feel like one of “them.” sometimes i wish they would just take me back, i don’t need to be here anymore, i don’t know why they want me to go through all these things…if it’s for enjoyment or for comic relief…what…i just sometimes want to go back. i get tired of playing human games, i want to be what i am inside, i want to be able to show it and express it and not have people flip out and push me away…or tell me how disgusting i am on the outside and how they could “never be with someone like me” and whatever else they like to say. you select few have seen the inside, you were captured, you were thrilled…and then you fucking bolted away. go on with your temporal happiness and your vain endeavors at finding the next cute thing to walk in front of you. i don’t want to see the Shallow Beast in my dreams anymore, i don’t want to picture her face while i’m sleeping…seeing her smile, watching her laugh, hearing her voice…such things would bring such pleasure and now they only bring bitterness…dance with what is popular and appealing for now, dance with the pretty faces and the expensive dressers…dance with the devil that you know, and continue to be afraid of the one you pretend you don’t.